Yesterday, NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton said that the current federal investigation into corruption in his department is likely the worst since the Knapp Commission—the municipal probe into the department prompted by Frank Serpico way back in 1970. But really, compared to that, this latest scandal is boring as hell.

Is New York a city in decline? DNAinfo reports that last week, an unnamed thief stole $113.80 in Häagen-Dazs ice cream from a Times Square Duane Reade. The news comes after reports of 10 other large-scale Häagen-Dazs thefts over the last four months. Forget about subway slashings—the ice cream thief’s spree is what New Yorkers should really be afraid of.