Perpetually troubled, lesser Baldwin brother Daniel has already posted bail in conjunction with yesterday's arrest for drug possession and the theft of an SUV (though one could convincingly argue that it isn't really stealing if one is just borrowing a friend's car without permission to go on a quick crack run, with the intent to return if it isn't somehow lost in the transaction), putting the most self-destructive member of the celebrated clan back on the streets of Santa Monica. It's now up to you, the sharp-eyed residents of the beachside municipality where Baldwin is most likely to fall back in with undesirable elements, to monitor him for suspicious behavior. Should you see Baldwin either entering or exiting a motel or in the act of driving an automobile—two activities that almost certainly indicate that he's in the middle of a dangerous relapse—it's your responsibility to contact the local authorities and do your part to keep your community free of the scourge of unemployed actors trying to score drugs, a social blight that should be confined to less desirable neighborhoods like Hollywood.

Today's Santa Monica Daily Press brings the seemingly inevitable news (you can read a PDF file of the story here) that troubled, lesser Baldwin Daniel was once again arrested on drug possession charges in Santa Monica, the actor's preferred location for all of his narcotics-related busts, when police officers correctly identified the red flag represented by Baldwin emerging from a generically named hotel (this time it was the Santa Monica Motel, last time the Ocean Side Inn) in the middle of the day, quickly determined that the car he was driving had been reported stolen, and raided his room, where they found an illegal substance they demurely refused to identify, but which almost certainly rhymes with "crack." Kudos to the Daily Press for spicing up this otherwise thoroughly mundane story by comically perching Baldwin's image directly on their banner (pictured), then finding a way to tie it to yesterday's various, hotter Britney Spears stories by using the teaser, "Oops, he did it again." Nicely played.

· A tip from chapter 5 of Britney Spears' forthcoming book on child-rearing, Lookit Me, I'm A Moms, Y'all!: To make sure that your second child feels special, go on the record saying that he or she was just an accident.
A tip from chapter 3 of Lindsay Lohan's book on how to succeed in the movie business, Fuck You, I'll Show Up On Set Just As Soon As I'm Good And Ready And My Body Is Done Rejecting The Shit I Don't Remember Drinking Last Night, Mr. Bossy Asshole A.D., And Who The Fuck Do You Think You Are, My Father?: Once your spotty attendance record and overall lack of professional courtesy become an issue, bring in some cupcakes!
You know what, now that you mention it, it does seem weird that Tom Cruise is always rescuing people. He's just a lucky guy, we guess.
Probably not a day goes by where we don't look down at our What Would Stephen Baldwin Do? bracelet while contemplating an important life decision and then make the right choice—especially when deciding whether or not to have a three-way with God.

Serially troubled, lesser Baldwin brother Daniel gets a recurring guest role on The Sopranos, playing the star of the horrible horror film that Christopher has been working on. Baldwin will join Kevin "Johnny Drama" Dillon in HBO's stable of actors cast because their relationships to far more successful kin provide an instant, vaguely depressing subtext to every line they deliver. [THR]
Endeavor is happy to pick up ICM's recently dumped Nancy Josephson on the rebound, but she'll probably just leave her new partner gig the second CAA comes calling. [Variety]
Starbucks decides that frappuccinos go down better while reading shitty books, will offer Mitch Albom's For One More Day for purchase in their stores. In a related promotional move, the chain plans to start handing out unsold Akeelah and the Bee DVDs for use as coasters. [Variety]
The Florida Film Commission's new slogan of "Florida: Not As Hurricane-Plagued As You've Been Led To Believe" has failed to reverse the production slowdown the state is experiencing. [THR]
Google will provide New Corp's interactive properties with search and advertising services through 2010, helping Rupert Murdoch finally overcome his inability to track down and destroy the dozens of fake MySpace profiles bearing his likeness. [Variety]

We're starting to think that this isn't really Daniel Baldwin's week. Even with a profile-elevating, 80 mph crash into some parked cars (a truly impressive speed for an impact with stationary vehicles), he still finds himself living in his more favored brothers' shadows, unable to pass even Billy on the BaldwinMeter. Perhaps he can take some comfort in knowing that six out of ten respondents to CBS2.com's poll opted out of this tough choice entirely.

Because every news item is more fun when it's made into a little game, we've decided to crop out the first name of the lesser Baldwin (come on, you already know it isn't Alec) who's currently hanging out at UCLA Medical Center following a "high speed crash" with two parked cars while "possibly driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol." In truth, though, even amateur Baldwinologists probably won't have much trouble puzzling out the subject, especially if they can remember if it was the Sliver one or the Homicide guy who got caught in a motel with a crackpipe and a crack-pal.