A Wells Fargo branch in Montebello, California did its part to make one cancer patient’s life a smidge more hellish last Friday, when tellers mistook mild-mannered lymphoma patient Joe Jaramillo for a serial robber nicknamed “the Surgical Mask Bandit," and attempted to have him arrested.

Is there any kind of crime better than the crime you can imagine being committed by a good-looking and diverse team of criminals cracking stilted jokes on, say, USA or TNT? No, there is not! And so it is with the "Sleeping Gas Bandits":

So now the American Kennel Club's saying that dog theft's up by 32 percent this year. Apparently their special database recording animal thefts has recorded 224 reports since January 1. That's almost as many thefts recorded in all of 2010 (255, if you're keeping score).