• More details about President Obama's plans to limit Wall Street pay are emerging. So is plenty of criticism. "I don't think the president should paint everyone with the same brush," says JPMorgan's Jamie Dimon. [BN, WSJ, BN]
• Wells Fargo has scrapped plans to host a employee conference in Las Vegas after the bank was pummeled with criticism. [WSJ]
• A dozen top bankers from Merrill-BofA have defected to Deutsche Bank. [TD]
• Lazard's fourth-quarter profits dropped by 50 percent. [DB]
• Daniel Och is doubling down on his hedge fund, Och-Ziff. [WSJ]
• Both Citigroup and the Mets say they're standing by their stadium plan. [NYP]
• Bloomberg LP is laying off staff. [Clusterstock]
• The House will hear testimony about Bernie Madoff today from Harry Markopolos, the investigator who tried to blow the whistle on him. [NYT]

Today in the New York Times opinion section: Maureen Dowd reads the Post and pretends to be outraged at perk-addicted rich people, Thomas Friedman just makes up some nonsense.

• Expect to see Tim Geithner grilled on Capitol Hill today over his failure to pay Social Security and Medicare taxes. Thanks to the financial crisis, you can also expect to see him confirmed very quickly. [Reuters, WSJ]
• Merrill Lynch clients withdrew $10 billion from accounts during in the fourth quarter, just as Bank of America completed its takeover of the firm. [BN]
• BofA is getting ready to cut another 4,000 jobs beginning this week. [FT]
• BlackRock, the biggest publicly traded U.S. asset manager, posted a 84 percent drop in profits in the fourth-quarter. [DB]
• The good news for Chrysler? The struggling automaker has found a savior in Fiat. The bad news? The deal is reportedly contingent on Chrysler getting $3 billion in additional government loans. [WSJ, NYT]

Tim Geithner is Barack Obama's pick for Treasury Secretary, which is probably the most important job in his administration, and no one really quite knows how to feel about that. He's a Rubinite and maybe responsible for killing Lehman but also he's never been a banker, so there you go. But now apparently Tim Geithner is inexplicably going after beloved FDIC chair Sheila Bair. Not Sheila Bair!

♦ David Letterman is in talks with John McCain about rescheduling his appearance on the late night show. [NYP]
♦ Sarah Palin will make two appearances on Fox News this week. [Politico]
♦ If your copy of the Times looks a little bit different today, that's because the paper has been busy shuffling around its various sections. [E&P]
♦ The LA Times may lay off as many as 75 staffers this week. [Variety]
♦ How big banks are handing their ad campaigns during this turbulent time. [NYT]
♦ CBS has had a solid start to the fall season. NBC has not. [AdAge, THR]
♦ Anne Hathaway has signed on to appear in Alice in Wonderland, which Tim Burton is directing. [THR]
♦ Why is Jim Cramer employed? That's what we'd like to know. [Romenesko]

The economy's in trouble. Have you heard? Banks would be much happier if you hadn't, but alas, that dude who was repossessing your car probably said something about it. So now our financial institutions are faced with their toughest challenge: deciding what kind of ads to run. They can't do anything about the actual economy—your money is toast. But maybe they can make you feel better about it! Does JPMorgan Chase see a smile on your face? Yes, JPMorgan Chase does! There are a few different strategies. Some, like failed failure WaMu, use humor, along the lines of "We've dragged our dessicated carcass to a safe place now. LOL!" Others are going for the old "reassure you despite all evidence to the contrary" tactic:

This is reportedly the (real) first post-collapse ad from failed bank WaMu, and it's very... direct? "WaMu has a bright new future, thanks to the stability of JPMorgan Chase (and their nearly trillion dollars in customer deposits). [ETC.]" says the fine print. The failed institution deserves credit for confronting its massive failure. Although the ad would have been more appropriate in grey. Do not fail to click to enlarge. [Change Order via AgencySpy]

"Most banks are grey," read the colorful little tagline on Washington Mutual's website last week. "That's just not our style." Then WaMu catastrophically collapsed, ha. After the jump, their new homepage ad now, which is just so perfect that I demand you click through to see it:

Just last week, Wachovia awarded its $100 million-plus advertising account to WPP. Then yesterday Wachovia was bought by Citigroup, and they were like, Hey, whoa, no ad deal after all! That really sucks the big one, in ad industry parlance. Too bad for Wachovia, too; perhaps a better ad agency could have ensured that the bank didn't end up with horrific ad placement like this, in today's Wall Street Journal:

Pope-hating straight talker Bill Maher is seriously considering putting some money in failing Washington Mutual now that they're offering free blow jobs with every account. Click to watch the sadly plausible series of fake ads that get worse and worse until we're all broke and can't afford a blow job anyhow.

As if banks didn't have enough to worry about thanks to the crumbling economy and recession, it seems rising crime rates in NYC are their fault, too. At least that's what the NYPD says, arguing that the increase in the number of bank robberies—the rate is up 50 percent in New York City this year alone—is because the banks aren't doing enough to protect their own dough. And why would they? They're insured! And if all else fails, there's always the federal government that will come along and bail them out! Oh, and just in case you're hurting for cash and thinking about sticking up a bank, some useful stats to keep in mind: The success rate at Wachovia branches is 100%. In second place, Commerce Bank ("America's Most Convenient Bank"), where robbers made off with the cash 97% of the time. Plus Commerce Bank gives out free cherry lollipops, too, something you might want to take into consideration.

Last night's premiere of the latest cycle of America's Next Top Model unveiled this season's epic theme—"As sci fi as we can possibly make this using things found at a dollar store"—to much squealy delight from the carefully selected pool of regular- and plus-sized replicants. While the audience seems to be dwindling for such catwalk-crawling minstrel shows (the ratings hit an all-time low), the series is to be commended for never failing to adapt and innovate. Take, for example, the introduction of exciting Glamonator 11.0 technology: A more sophisticated descendant of the Sleeper Orgasmatron, it's capable of producing an amazingly convincing hologram of a completely-over-it reality hostess who wishes she could fold up shop on this ghetto-ass exercise in model-search futility to spend more time on her Emmy-winning talk show. Smile with your circuits, ladies!

Earlier this year we noticed the achingly bleak trend of East Village institutions becoming bank branches. And though the tears on our cheeks aren't yet evaporated, it's time to mourn that trend's converse: banking institutions turning into condos, grocery stores or some other bourgeois shit. A ride down Bowery proves our point.

If you recently attempted to purchase securities from a reputable Manhattan investment bank but instead found yourself patronizing an international network of strip clubs and escort services, you may be the victim of brand confusion. Big-money bankers Goldman Sachs are challenging the domain owner of Goldmansex.com, a site dedicated to helping mongers worldwide locate their preferred flavor of tail whilst on the road. The Dutch proprietor of Goldmansex.com claims befuddlement, declaring that "Goldman" is a nickname friends tagged him with, as "People thought I was always lucky in life." One could be forgiven for assuming that Goldmansex.com caters to a less hetero clientele, due to the Oscar-statue man-icon and distinctive logo emphasizing "Gold mansex." None of these interpretations are likely to sit well with the bankers, though there's yet no similar outcry over JPWhoregan.com.