After Barack Obama's reelection, some business owners went so far as laying off workers and attributing it to fear of new taxes; other employers vowed to reduce employees' hours in order to avoid paying for their health care under Obamacare. Those actions are despicable in their own way, but at least they may be defended as a sort of rational business move. How exciting that one fine business owner has figured out a way to become a bigger asshole on this issue than any of his peers.

A 20-year-old mother in Kenya who gave birth to twin boys on the day of the U.S. Presidential election has named her sons Barack and Mitt, after the United States president and a model of a robot briefly manufactured in the 1940s as a companion for lonely children.

This week in butthurtery: Longtime friend of Gawker Eric Dondero of the Libertarian Republic thinks that, in the wake of another victory for President Obama, it's "time to tell any Democrats you know to fuck off and die."

United States President Barack Obama paid his respects to Queen Bey and her manservant Jay-Z at a $40,000-a-head campaign fundraiser hosted by the couple at Jay-Z's 40/40 club last night. These three probably email one another all the time.

BuzzFeed's Gavon Laessig got his hands on an early copy of the upcoming Barack Obama biography penned by Pulitzer Prize winner David Maraniss.

Former Special Counsel to President Richard Nixon and Watergate co-conspirator Chuck Colson died this weekend. Besides being a criminal and an intolerant far-right evangelical, he's perhaps most famous for saying, "I would walk over my own grandmother to re-elect Dick Nixon."

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart broke down yesterday's GOP debate and the media's post-showdown coverage. Many pundits predicted Rick Perry's campaign would suffer after he called Social Security a ponzi scheme. But it didn't, and Stewart explained why: "All due respect to both Romney and the citizens of Talking Headsylvania, but you're up against something you're too smart to understand." At least "President Perry" is alliterative.

Michelle Obama claims that President Obama hasn't smoked a cigarette in "almost a year." That's frightening news. If he hasn't been smoking while dealing with this Egyptian crisis, then something's wrong with him.

NPH stars in The Smurfs movie. Rachel McAdams is in the new Woody Allen movie. A woman adapts her own divorce story. De Niro: De Starring opposite Bradley Cooper. The days are growing longer. The Roundup's length is variable.

Touchy subject of would-rather-not proportions: threats made against the 44th American President. There are fine lines between free-speech and danger. The New York Times reports on the people who draw them seeing an early spike, but still being strong concerns.

DJ AM took OxyContin the night he died. Spencer Pratt takes his absurdity to new levels. And Kate Hudson wants to take over A-Rod's apartment. All that and more in your Wednesday Gossip Roundup!

Oh my! Listen kids, whatever you do, don't ask Hillary Clinton about her husband's opinions on foreign affairs, because she will swallow you whole and eat you alive, just like she did this poor African student this afternoon!

Yesterday Barack Obama gave his speech in Cairo and the "extremists" at Fox News had plenty of dumb things to say about it, so the Daily Show collected a bunch of clips and proceeded to mercilessly lampoon them last night.

Remember how you had to move as a kid and you totally promised to keep in touch with your friends, but you didn't? Barack Obama's Chicago buddies worry they're going to be those friends.

The man who brought us Barack Roll is back with a hilarious treat. So John McCain gave his big Republican nomination acceptance speech in front of a giant video screen. What could possibly go wrong with that? See it after the jump.