It’s been a long 67 days since we last heard from Sad Jeb. And considering his sodium-addled state, we were starting to get worried. But fear not. Noted scion Jeb Bush is still here, and he’s (probably) fine(-ish). Also, he’s not voting for President.

What do former First Lady Laura Bush, IMF chief Christine Lagarde, Cambridge classicist Mary Beard, and comedian Mindy Kaling have in common? They are all women. And... and??

Now that Barbara Bush is on the campaign trail with her allegedly beloved son, a whole lot about Jeb Bush is finally starting to make sense. Because according to the duo’s most recent set of interviews, there is no one who makes Sad Jeb quite as sad as his very own mother.

When asked why she thinks her son Jeb Bush would make a great president, Barbara Bush summed it up thusly: “I adore my child.”

When a candidate is down and out in the polls, there’s one tried-and-true strategy that should never be overlooked: an excellent sense of humor.

As Jeb Bush heads back out onto the campaign trail to snag that fifth place spot he so rightfully deserves, he’s decided to call in a little backup. That’s right, Barbara Bush, mother of Jeb Bush, is joining her son in New Hampshire.

“Jeb Bush is my son,” Barbara Bush seems to acknowledge in a 35-second commercial released Friday—and just in time for Jeb’s birthday!

If anything good came out of today's George W. Bush Presidential Center dedication in Dallas, it is only this picture of President Obama with Bush's 87-year-old mother, Barbara. I have no idea what's going on here—sneeze? argument? accusatory pointing?—but it looks a lot more interesting than the George W. Bush Presidential Center will be.

Look who's coming out in favor of gay marriage! It's Barbara Bush, the less-drunk of President George W. Bush's twin daughters. "She was loved by the gay community at Yale," says a gay friend. All we need to hear!

Old blue-blood Barbara Bush explained told CNN last night that she didn't hand her miscarried fetus jar to son George, as he wrote. That's not the New England way! Fetus-handling is the maid's duty: "Paula" handed George the jar, duh.

"I think she's very happy in Alaska, and I hope she stays there." Former First Lady, First Mother, and notorious ice queen Barbara Bush gave her opinion about the potential rogue candidate to Larry King.

What experience made you all pro-life? For beloved former President George W. Bush, it was that time his mama had a miscarriage and showed him the jarred fetus. From then on, Bush knew that he must protect America's fetuses, forever.

New York's upcoming Gay Pride parade was already rerouted and shortened a mile due to city budget cuts. Now West Village residents along one block of the new route want it diverted again so gays won't trample their precious flowers.

Humble brunette Barbara lives in a fifth-floor walk-up, doesn't own a TV, and takes the bus. Spoiled blonde Jenna lives in the 'burbs, got a job by nepotism, and crashes at Manhattan hotels. Two in the Bush, Mondays at 9.

Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears was molested as a kid. Usher is a girlyman. Captain Scuzzybutt Esq. will make Page Six one day. Natalie Portman's "tits." Barbara Cocoran's PR team. Presenting your late-edition Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Former First Twins Barbara and Jenna Bush turn 28 today. Actor/economist/ex-game show host Ben Stein is turning 65. New York Times columnist Gail Collins is turning 64. Jill Hennessy is 41. Christina Applegate is turning 38. Actor John Larroquette is 62. Pop/gospel singer Amy Grant is 49. Philadelphia Eagles star Donovan McNabb turns 33. Famed choreographer Trisha Brown is turning 73. Soul legend Percy Sledge is 69. And competitive eater (and hot dog eating champion) Joey Chestnut turns 26 today.

Joan Rivers turns 76 today. Kanye West is 32. Actress Julianna Margulies is turning 43. TV host Maria Menounos is turning 31. Jerry Stiller is 82. Model Irina Lazareanu turns 27. Barneys fashion director Julie Gilhart is turning 51. CBS exec JoAnn Ross turns 56. Legendary artist LeRoy Neiman is 88. Tech pioneer Tim Berners-Lee is turning 54. Nancy Sinatra, the daughter of Frank, is 69. Tennis star Lindsay Davenport is turning 33. And former first lady Barbara Bush celebrates her 84th birthday today.

• Is Heidi Klum pregnant with her fourth kid? That appears to be the case, since sketches of a gown she's planning to wear in a future Project Runway episode have made "room for a bump." [MSNBC]
• Are you a disgraced sports star or politician? Congrats: You're getting a reality TV show! Rod Blagojevich has signed on to appear in NBC's I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here, assuming a judge lets him go to Costa Rica for the taping. Meanwhile, Michael Vick is reportedly in talks to create a reality show of his own, one that will document his attempts to "make amends for his past." Your turn, Spitzer! [THR, NYP, THR]
• Looks like Barbara Bush and boyfriend Jay Blount won't be tying the knot in Kennebunkport this summer after all. And here we were hoping for both a Bush and Clinton family wedding the same month. [People]
• Dina Lohan was spotted dropping Lindsay off outside a club in LA on Monday night. Because, clearly, that's what good mothers do. [OK!, TMZ]
• That big Michael Jackson memorabilia auction? It ain't happening. [Reuters]

George W. Bush's daughter Barbara is following in her grandmother's footsteps. The other Bush twin is said to be marrying on-again, off-again beau Jay Blount, a 2005 Yale graduate and fraternity member, this summer.

The Museum of Natural History held its annual dance last night.