Some days you wake up and are in the mood for omelets and showtunes sung by aging former child stars inside theaters named for Russian comedians who peaked in the '80s. That's just life! It's weird that way. Luckily, you can now feed those infrequent cravings with "The Brady Brunch": a fully catered, A.M. variety show at the Yakov Smirnoff Theatre in Branson, Missouri, hosted by none other than Barry "The Real Greg Brady" Williams. There's nothing like digging into a plate of golden waffles while listening to a beloved entertainer segue from a near-pitch-perfect rendition of "Bring Him Home" from Les Miserables into a hilarious anecdote about the time he tried to seduce his television mother over a bottle of Chardonnay. Call 1-800-942-8226 or visit yakov.com for tickets! What are you waiting for? In Soviet Russia, dinner theater ticket hotline call you. [yakov.com via Buzzfeed]

• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit? According to tabloid reports, Tiger is still in contact with Mistress No. 1, and is hoping to squeeze a little time to get together. [NYP, NYDN, People, Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may have to put off any more trips to rescue exploited children living in Third World countries. A judge has ordered her to start attending her alcohol education program classes "every single week" because, well, "it's been long enough." [Us]
• Why did Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson break up? According to a highly dubious story that one of the slugger's pals has been telling the tabloids, it was because Hudson wanted to be on camera when she sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium, whereas A-Rod really wanted someone "more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• As for Hudson, she's dealing with the split from A-Rod by spending some quality time with her movie star parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Goldie turned up as Kate's date to the Nine premiere last night. [HL, DM]