This is Mike. Right now, Mike is standing in Union Square holding up a sign that says "I Want A Girlfriend." We sent our intrepid man-on-the-street reporter, Bennett Madison, to find out what qualifies Mike for romance, and we got some answers. Ladies, you might want to bum-rush Union Square right now: not only will Mike buy you more gum if you drop yours in a puddle, but he has not seen Britney's privates on the internet!