Look, we're old. Not "old" old, but more like "the Olympics were so much better in Los Angeles" old. And definitely not "Beatlemania" old, but old enough to wonder if the Jonas Brothers phenomenon is anything like what we've heard about Beatlemania. We honestly don't know — before today we'd never listened to a Jonas Brothers song, we've never seen them perform, we don't even know which is which, only that the moppiest-headed one occasionally receives photos of Miley Cyrus eating her skivvies. But this week's seismic release of the new Jonas Brothers album A Little Bit Longer — and the ensuing tear-streaked, hair-gnawing tween bedlam (best evinced by the accompanying snapshot from the group's recent TRL appearance) — has us taking the Jonases' impact much more seriously. After all, today's young pop heroes are tomorrow's clinically wasted reality TV icons; on that basis alone their soaring stars deserve a closer look and deeper understanding — or at least a handy Defamer fact sheet for your water-cooler convenience. Everything you need to know is after the jump.I. KNOW YOUR JONASES

Big Rob—the leviathan security detail who rose to national prominence hurtling away Britney Spears's paparazzi tormentors with one swat of his canoe-sized arms—has started a blog. Now employed by the fraternal order of avant-garde multi-instrumentalists more commonly known as the Jonas Brothers, Big Rob has been promoted from his overzealous-teenbopper-pummeling duties to become an actual member of the band. But let's let Rob explain, directly from his blog's home at RyanSeacrest.com—your full-service online source for all the completely stupid things Ryan Seacrest cares about it, apparently!