In your arousing Monday media column: Hugh Hefner wants to take Playboy private, new media editors at the NYT, Bill Hemmer's lies don't fool anyone, and screwed freelancers will not be screwed forever.

Daily Profile: Bill Hemmer

Who: A former CNN anchor, Hemmer now delivers the news on Fox, where he serves as co-anchor of America's Newsroom on weekday mornings.

There are times when the man pictured on the front page of the paper is a total hottie. Read further and you learn he's a terrorist or murderer. Here are some crushes that come with a side serving of guilt.

Fashion publicist and MTV reality show fixture Kelly Cutrone turns 44 today. Chris Noth is turning 55. Whoopi Goldberg is 54. Gerard Butler celebrates the big 4-0 today. Jimmy Kimmel is 42. Film director Garry Marshall is turning 75. Former Jets quarterback Vinny Testaverde turns 46. Sun Microsystems co-founder Scott McNealy is 55. Veteran TV reporter Peter Arnett turns 75. Strokes bassist Nikolai Fraiture is turning 31. Joe Mantegna is 62. And NBA star Ron Artest is turning 30. A handful of weekend birthdays are below.

• Détente? The feuding between Fox News and MSNBC has grown so fierce that News Corp.'s Rupert Murdoch and GE's Jeff Immelt met up recently "to figure out how to defuse tensions between the two channels." [LAT]
• The Boston Globe reports that two groups of investors have submitted preliminary bids to buy the newspaper from the New York Times Co. [AP]
• Breathe easy: Oprah has not been harmed. The suspicious package outside Winfrey's Harpo Studios this morning turned out to be harmless. [AP]
• All that idiocy on Lou Dobbs' part over the past couple of weeks hasn't done much to boost his ratings on CNN. His numbers continue to fall. [NYO]
• Those McKinsey consultants are paying off! Editors at Condé Nast were told yesterday they'll no longer be reimbursed for newspapers. [Daily Intel]

Fox News anchor (and former CNN hottie) Bill Hemmer turns 44 today. Prince Charles is celebrating his 60th. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice turns 54 today. Fashion designer Stefano Gabbana is 46. Reverend Run is 44. Writer P.J. O'Rourke is 61. Actor Josh Duhamel is turning 36. Jonathan Landman of the Times is 56. And Travis Barker, who almost didn't make it to his birthday this year, turns 33 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

Admit it. You've been wondering what John McCain eats for breakfast. The answer? Coffee, cereal, and fruit. (No, not babies.) Barack Obama gobbles down four to six eggs, potatoes, and wheat toast, and occasionally adds fruit, bacon, and oatmeal to the menu. (How does he stay so thin?) We certainly didn't see this one coming, but Tom Brokaw says he's a granola and yogurt kind-of-guy. Maureen Dowd? "I don't eat breakfast. Just coffee." A few other breakfast choices of media and political types after the jump.

Bill Hemmer makes an appearance in this month's Hamptons magazine and explains his cherished tradition of the Hemmer Backyard Olympics: "There's a game back home called Corn Hole," he starts too. For future reference, when your recreational activities could lead to any confusion, best to stick to tennis or golf. [Hamptons]

A former CNN anchor, Hemmer now delivers the news on Fox, where he serves as co-anchor of America's Newsroom on weekday mornings.

Our day-after breakdown of last evening's New York mag Oscar party at the Spotted Pig was so brutally detailed, we had to take a break and come back. In this second and final installment, the gals learn who Bill Hemmer is, discuss the spelling of former Jane editor Jauretsi Saizarbitoria's name (she's pictured, sparklingly, at right), and contemplate using the Spotted Pig as an apartment.

Considering anyone with a camera crew is down in New Orleans right now for Mardi Gras, the town has become a happy media melting pot. To wit, our man in Louisiana reports that the other night, at a restaurant called Cuvee, he was sitting at the table next to cable news anchor Bill Hemmer, who's lately on Fox News after being dumped by CNN last May. At one point, the Today show's Al Roker happened to walk between the two tables. "Hey, Al!" said Hemmer, but the look of confusion on Roker's face made it clear that the he had no idea who the perky white guy was. "I'm Bill Hemmer," he clarified. "You know, I was on CNN."

Oh, the jutting chin. Oh, the blow-dried hair. Oh, the vacant look in his eyes when he's confused about something. Yep, Bill Hemmer, CNN's former I-don't-want- to-go-to-the-White House man, is coming back to TV, and we know you're as weak-kneed as we are.