This Thanksgiving, let’s all be thankful for—and not trample on—birds.

This is it; we will never be capable of real romance again.

A researcher from the American Museum of Natural History tracked down an extremely rare bird in Guadalcanal and, after consideration, collected a specimen. With extreme prejudice. What I’m saying here is he killed it.

Imagine it’s Saturday morning, and you’re about to enjoy a book and a cup of coffee on your back porch, and you’re greeted by four two-foot tall winged eaters of dead meat. They’re staring you down through the glass sliding door, as if to say Do you feel lucky, punk? Oh god, not the vultures again. Welcome to Rick Mize’s world.

Sure you can talk all you want about how You’re anthropomorphizing a dumb bird Gabrielle, and, Wouldn’t it be nice to get off YouTube and out of the house, but don’t tell me this asshole didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

Parrots seem like good enough birds, in the scheme of all the other birds. Colorful and fun and they can mimic human voices—what's not to love? That being said, parrots are birds and not people—they will not help you drive your car—so if you're the kind of person who brings your parrot on car rides without keeping your eyes on the road, you're probably going to crash and it won't be the bird's fault.

A group of New Hampshire fourth-graders who traveled to the state's capital in Concord to learn about the joys of civic engagement were given a surprisingly realistic picture of the American legislative process after one lawmaker used their bill—a proposal to name the red-tailed hawk the official state raptor—as an opportunity to rail against the evils of abortion.

Yesterday, the Catholic Church released hordes of colorful balloons in St. Peter's Square, a gesture meant to symbolize the triumph of Satan's power over life on earth.

As an unlucky jogger learned last week, owls will fuck you up. Ron Jaecks was out for run early Tuesday morning at a park in Salem, Oregon, when something swooped from the darkness and latched onto his knit hat, puncturing his scalp.

Yesterday, a federal judge overturned the state of California's ban on foie gras. Great news, for assholes.

No longer content to rule the sky, the owl has extended its terrible dominion into another element of the wondrous universe: Earth's hydrosphere.

Authorities in Afghanistan are investigating a bizarre incident involving a wild bird outfitted with explosives and surveillance equipment* found walking along a road, NBC News reports.

A new study estimates that Europe has suffered "a decrease of 421 million individual birds" in the past 30 years.

Aspiring writer James Franco is not afraid of jail. He has his time all planned out.

The osprey, Pandion haliaetus, is a bird of character. The ancient poets knew this, and the Maryland Transportation Authority is discovering it the hard way. Last week, a pair of ospreys decided to build their nest on a platform overlooking the approach to the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, where the MDTA keeps a traffic camera.

"Sorry mate."

First a parrot rats out its owner for a DUI and now this: Last week, a talking parrot helped police solve the mysterious murder of its owner.

More than 70 cockfighters were arrested overnight as part of Operation Angry Birds, a massive three-part raid that involved hundreds of cops and Department of Homeland Security officers.

A new report finds that between 365 and 988 million birds die annually from crashing into windows in the United States alone. That's 10 percent of the bird population of the entire country, according to the Washington Post.

When an Italian porn star brought his parrot named Amore to see Pope Francis on Wednesday, the pope treated the green bird with the dignity and respect owed to any parrot. The bird received a papal blessing.