The new year has arrived and it is awful, what with bird/fish/crab death, floods, freezing temperatures, and zombie ex-Vice Presidents. So let's just put it all out there and list the reasons why this is already the worst year ever.

Midway through Dave's monologue, a slew of dead birds fell from the sky. Of course, the birds were fake and likely tossed from above by a lowly Late Show page, but it's nice to see Letterman mock Earth's impending doom.

Days after thousands of blackbirds died in Arkansas, 500 blackbirds and starlings fell out of the sky along a Louisiana highway about 300 miles south. There's still no explanation why this is happening—other than the Apocalypse is here.

Remember those five thousand dead blackbirds that "rained" on Arkansas? Well, as it turns out, "they don't have very good night vision" and "it looks like maybe they got startled... ran into each other, fell to the ground and died."

Hey, did you hear that 1,000 blackbirds died and fell from the sky in Arkansas? Nobody knows why it happened! Probably just a normal thing, and not a bad sign. Gonna go stock up the bunker with drygoods...

You know that song "Bodies" by Drowning Pool? The one where the lyric, "Let the bodies hit the floor!" is repeated ad nauseam? Well, here's a video of a parrot doing his rendition of it—it's actually pretty amazing.

Apparently this Japanese man has a close relationship with his pet bird, because he allows the bird to stick its beak in his mouth repeatedly during dinner.

Are you familiar with "hobbits," or Homo florsiensis, the wee, extinct human species thought to have lived tens of thousands of years ago? Are you aware that they might have been hunted and eaten by enormous, six-foot-tall storks?

Most animals are cute. Further, most baby animals are cute—even cuter than their adult counterparts, one could argue. The exception to this rule? Baby parrots. Because baby parrots—especially baby parrots in bowls—are not cute; they're scary. Really scary.

Listen to the BBC voiceover sexualize this kakapo's "thick sideburns" and "victorian gentleman's face" only moments before the fat, flightless parrot launches his sexual attack on British zoologist Mark Carwardine. All while Stephen Fry does absolutely nothing to help.

Sure, you've seen cats fight before. But have you ever seen cats fight... to an intense, perfectly-timed action-movie soundtrack (Hans Zimmer's Alan Silvestri's Predator score)? I'm going to get Silvestri to score my next visit to the DMV. [Reddit]

The Hawaiian island of Kauai has canceled Friday night high school football games this season, because migrating seabirds mistake the stadium lights for the "moon and stars," then "fall from the sky and [get] eaten by cats." Stupid cats. [AP]

In this video, a parakeet with mad skills dances to Willow Smith's hit, "Whip My Hair." The only thing that would make this bird more impressive is if it could add color to its environment by whipping its feathers.

"Robinsons be Natural" sheltered thousands of UK birdies in sweet new digs. You're not alone if this ad gives you nest envy. Can a human get in on this action?

A new study indicates that pigeons have an urge to gamble, and prefer to peck away at little pigeon slot machines hoping for a food-pellet jackpot over pecking a button for a guaranteed pellet. That's right: little pigeon slot machines.

For a chance to win bird seed (an actual prize), contestants on Late Night regurgitate worms into their partner's mouth. In the case of a tie, there is a bird calling contest. All for a chance to be on television!

[A bird flies past a cloud of smoke coming from a fire at a paint factory in Jandira, Brazil. No one was hurt, except for my soul, which shed a single tear at this image. Pic via AP.]

At least 130 different species of birds "are known to engage in homosexual behavior." Scientists now think this may be because "homosexual behavior" is evolutionarily beneficial. Not to mention totally hot.

An ex-New York mayor flipped off a protester today at Charlie Rangel's birthday party. Alas, it wasn't Giuliani. It was David Dinkins. Remember him?

Observe here as the otherwise prim hosts of The Today Show lose all sense of propriety and instead try their hand at birdcalling, making complete and total mockeries of themselves in the process.