After losing her legs in a tragic rat attack, a Welsh tortoise was transformed into a living math book doodle this month thanks to a set of prosthetic wheels that are fly as hell, the BBC dopely reports.

Wooooo yeah. In Hugh Lofting's classic children's book Dr. Doolittle, there's an imaginary animal called a pushmi-pullyu. Shit yeah. It has two heads, one on either end of its body, and can't move because it's always pulling itself in two directions at once. Hell yeah. This is kind of like that, except instead of a weird goat thing, it's a VW Passat, and instead of standing in place, it's doing the most bitchin' donuts you've ever seen. Awwwww fuck yeah!

The current bid is $36,000 for this beautiful old Willie Nelson tour bus. It gets 7 miles a gallon. It sleeps 8. It's like a saloon inside, with red velvet and beveled glass. It's got miles of wood paneling. Hell, there may still be a stash in that wood paneling that's worth 36 grand!

For months it seemed like a quick joke, but now it's concrete. Well, putty, anyway. Hard-chargin' Satanists have a mockup of a monument to the dark lord (and two rapt kids) that they plan to display in front of the Oklahoma statehouse. And other than being evil, it's pretty boss.

When your government goes medieval on you, it's time to get medieval back.

How awesome is it to be a legislator in the Sunshine State this year? This awesome: You get to approve the legalization of adultery, cohabitation, and giving young children a strain of marijuana called Charlotte's Web, all in one afternoon sitting.