Twitter is currenly experiencing "site issues," and is totally down. Come, take shelter in the Gawker Social Networking Blackout Bunker™. Talk about stupid things and share links to your favorite pop culture Tumblrs. Warm yourself by our fire of bullshit. What else are you going to do. Work?

The best part of any internet news story is when the social media power user and sometime Gawker contributor Katie Notopoulos starts searching for it on Twitter. Like the SOPA-driven Wikipedia blackout, which sure freaked out high school kids—and their teachers.

California is a shambles tonight, people. Gridlock traffic and car accidents. Flights canceled. People trapped on amusement park rides and elevators. What we need now is information on this massive blackout, and we need it pronto. Take it away, NBC4's O.C. Bureau Chief, Vikki Vargas! [NBC4]

Sophie's, that dive bar on E. 5th Street that never carded and where I once made out drunkenly on the pool table with a woman who, at the time, I was convinced was Catherine Keener but in fact was just this girl who lived on the floor below me in my dorm , is closing in the New Year. Boo! [NYP]

It's been a strange couple of days in the Drunk-Alice-in-a- Child-Neglecting-Wonderland universe of Britney Spears, whose long-awaited comeback album, "Blackout," released Tuesday to shockingly not horrible notices. (Her parenting skills, on the other hand, scored a solidly red Metacritics 16, the general consensus being that a Praline Ice Blended does "not constitute a suitable replacement for baby formula.") In order to get you up to speed, a Britney round-up:
· First day sales of "Blackout" numbered 124,000, putting her on track to sell around 350,000 units in the first week. That's enough to put her at the top of the Billboard charts—a feat rendered even more amazing when you consider her producers derived the entirety of the album's vocals by digitally fiddling with one usable note. [People]

With just eight short days until the release of "Blackout," Britney Spears's attempt at stepping away from all the sock-related distractions and again donning her popstar hat (a Kangol-brand porkpie), the first reviews have appeared, including a dispatch from the NY Daily News in which the critic is struck by the robot behind vocals:

Convicted fraudster Conrad Black will remain free on bail until sentencing, but must stay in either Illinois or Florida, which is sort of like being in prison anyway. [NYT]

Conrad Black declines to testify in his fraud trial (and really, why would he?). The defense rests. [Toronto Globe & Mail]

From what we can gather from various news stories, Defamer HQ is one of the last places still without power in the aftermath of the blackout. As we stood on the sidewalk, wondering why the traffic lights on the end of the street seemed to be fully operational while the beer in our refrigerator was in peril of going skunky, a miracle transpired: Kicking up to the front of our building on a commandeered Razor scooter was noted rescue specialist Sean Penn. There was little room left on his conveyance of mercy with the actor, a Rolling Stone journalist, and a wire service photographer crammed on board, but we climbed onto his broad shoulders, and he selflessly ferried us to the provisional HQ where we now sit. (He finds that picture of Elijah Wood just as off-putting as you do, by the way.)

Yes, the power's out across Los Angeles (what, only one Drudge siren?). While you wait for Defamer HQ to return to the grid, enjoy the above photo of Elijah Wood at a parade in New York City this past weekend, courtesy of our friends at Cityrag.