It was down to four on last night's season two finale of The Voice: Team Christina's mom-popper Chris Mann, Team Cee-Lo's Juliet Simms, Team Blake's soul crooner Jermaine Paul, and Team Adam's wind-up dancing troubadour Tony Lucca. One won. It was...

The Guardian got its hands on a cache of violent Syrian despot Bashar al-Assad's emails from last year, and the upshot, so far, is that the guy bought a bunch of songs on iTunes. We made a Spotify playlist of them.

Halle Berry was trapped in her house by a stalker. William and Kate have left the country. Anthony Weiner flew to Miami to reconcile with his wife. Gwyneth Paltrow went on vacation to rub her bikini body in your face. Monday's gossip doesn't know if it's coming or going.

Kelsey Grammer pleads "hacker" after an evocative mass email about his ex-wife. Christina Aguilera's diva antics drive Adam Levine insane. Kim Kardashian lives vicariously through a tween. TGIFriday gossip.

Child Protective Services drops by the hospital to pay Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon a visit. Miranda Lambert "harvests" some venison for her wedding. Arnold and Sly go out for lunch. Sunday gossip is just friends with Salman Rushdie, really.

Angelina Jolie is sick of listening to herself speak. Paris Hilton picks a fight with Lindsay Lohan. Penelope Cruz teaches a lesson on raunchy Spanish idioms. A famous person names his daughter "Mirabella Bunny." TGIFriday gossip.

Hey, did you know that NBC premiered a convoluted, Christina Aguilera-headlined singing competition called The Voice tonight? Because, you know, it's not like the network promoted the hell out of it for two months straight or anything. Anyway, as we predicted, the show kind of sucks, and here are two clips—from before the "blind auditions" even started—to illustrate the point.