In case you don’t trust your own eyes or sense of logic, the Jackson family has basically confirmed that at least one of Michael Jackson’s children did not spring from his seed. According to a TMZ report:

The big news Thursday is that Katherine Jackson is back in California after an extended vacation and/or kidnapping to Arizona.

Kim Kardashian shifts the attention from her ass to her feet. Pink advocates "beat[ing] the crap outta kids." Brett Michaels denies boinking Miley's mom. Demi Lovato's dad bemoans Disney. The bigger Wednesday gossip gets, the harder it falls.

A mysterious cache of videos of the Jackson children—apparent leaks from self-made videos and webchats—show Paris on iChat, Blanket pretending to be a Jedi knight, and other rambunctious games.

Now she's in an arm brace—but Tito Ortiz says she's a drug-addicted liar. Jesse James' ring finger is naked. Michael Lohan fears Lindsay is "the next Corey Haim." Whitney Houston sings off-key. Tuesday's gossip roundup cometh.

Mrs. Pratt's bikini top overfloweth and the paparazzi goes wild. What caused the Winslet-Mendes divorce? Ashley Dupre sets her hair on fire while posing naked. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt dares to wear pants. Wednesday gossip is full of risks.

He thought he could call her "heavy" if he said "top," first. Ke$ha makes fun of Britney. Kendra Wilkinson's baby weight gave her postpartum depression. "Jessica Simpson weighs in on fat jokes." Thursday's gossip roundup was teased as a child.

Child Services storms Chateau Jackson when Jermaine's kid puts Blanket's life in peril. Megan Fox announces she's only slept with two men. Jolie and Franco are shoo-ins for based-on-a-true-story suicidal artist roles. Wednesday gossip is full of surprises.

Doug and Paris rekindle their tainted love, Sienna Miller falls for the "Slinky Wizard," Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper play grab-ass, Justin Timberlake buys a house in Greenwich, Paula Abdul might head to ABC and Russell Brand seeks new love.