• Sure, vehicular manslaughter in midtown during rush hour sounds like a good idea at first. But then there's bound to be someone there with a cameraphone and a blog, ready to take pictures of your face and license plate. Damned technology. [Extrawack!]
• Bust out the penis horns and the shot-glass-on-a-necklace, it's bachelorette party time in the city. [Logged Hours]
• Chase knows exactly what you like in a bank: Free money for signing up with them, convenient ATM locations, and temporary checks that make others question your age and/or mental competence. [The Daily Dump]

• If you're going to insist on showing your dick on the subway, you've just got to expect it'll make its way to the interenet. [Citynoise]
• Here's a new way to promote your new standup CD: Staging a fake protest, complete with effigies, destruction, and mock violence. [Comedy Central Insider]
• In Bed-Stuy, apparently some dudes keep different lists of girls they would and wouldn't shag. Classy. [high class jackass]
• It's almost surprising that bloggers don't get together to actually mutually masturbate. [White Dade]

• Yes, Dan Smith is a real person, and, yes, he will teach you guitar. On the Upper West side. For a price. [Gridskipper]
• Our imaginations are active enough — we really didn't need visual confirmation of where that subway pole has been. [I'm New Here, NYC]
• Trying to pick up a banker chick? Here's how. (Better question: Why?) [Leveraged Sellout]
• The David Blaine merchandising opportunities are endless. Ah, capitalism. Copyranter]

• How does it feel to be the one in your group who doesn't get into the Rolling Stone party when you're the one who actually had an invite? Like how Jesus felt when he learned he'd have to die for everyone else's sins. [SpinachDip]
• Is it typical to sip scotch while editing a book? No. But if the book is about recovery at Ground Zero, you'd be drinking, too. [Nichelle Newsletter]
• The Union Square Barnes & Noble still has not forgiven Howell Raines. [Jossip]
• If nothing else, buying a sword from a dude on the street will give you good writing material, and a shot at getting arrested on the subway. [The Liam McEneaney Experience]
• The L train will never do anything logical. Ever. [This Is What We Do Now]

• The killer squirrels are coming. Consider yourselves warned, Brooklynites. [Dirty Old Prom Queen]
• Century 21 makes a lot of people want to ralph. Just usually not literally. [Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"]
• So which would do prefer: Getting your teeth drilled? Or listening stories about P. Diddy being an asshole? The perfect solution: Do both! [Watcher]
• You know what the problem is with New York bloggers? They write about New York too much. [White Dade]

• No, David Blaine does not want to make out. Nor does he ever want to look at you again. [You Can't Make It Up]
• In Bushwick, it's "Mami". In Park Slope, it's "Mommy". Where would you rather live? [Three-Toed Sloth]
• Lose your wallet once, shame on the city. Lose your wallet twice, shame on you. [Negro Witticisms]

• Now you're confusing us, Bowlmor. Is bowling without alleys supposed to be a good thing? [Copyranter]
• The "best plastic surgeon in New York City" apparently confines his work to hands. [Clublife]
• Because why wouldn't you put a naked Leo on your straight, male friend's birthday cake? [And I Am Not Lying, For Real]

• Offloading on a random supermarket heckler is bound to make you feel better about gorging on all of those cheese samples. Calling the heckler a "fucking lunatic," though, may not be the best way to get the support of innocent bystanders. [Tao of Dan]
• Ah, so that's what you're supposed to do with an expense account. [High Class Jackass]
• Yes, it sucks when someone steals your laundry from the dryer. But must you inflict your misery on everyone else. [This Is What We Do Now]

• Everyone has an I-was-so-poor-when-I-first-moved-to-New York story. But does yours involved marrying a crazy gay Brazilian dude for his rent-controlled studio? [Jane]
• The spectator sport we've been waiting for: The Delivery-Man Heptathalon. [This Place is Dead Anyway]
• It's nice to know that all these years later Debbie Gibson still has multi-racial appeal. Or, at least inasmuch as she ever did. [NichelleNewsletter]

• You know what would make a trip to Rite Aid even more pleasant? Crushing guilt from the cashier, of course. [Forksplit]
• Nothing is ever free. Not even on Ben and Jerry's Free Cone Day. [BlaggBlogg]
• How far would you go for a gander at Jerry Seinfeld? [You Can't Make It Up]
• It's the age-old dilemma: What to do when your dealer duo breaks up? [LianneStokes]

• What happens when you let commoners into an exhibit opening and load them up with free booze and swag? They ride around on library carts, naturally. [The Daily Dump]
• Oh, come on now, what's a Yankees game without the YMCA? [This Is What We Do Now]
• Whole Foods' Detective Doe reminds you that sneaking samples from the salad bar could get you banned from the premises. Forever. [The Company Bitch]
• Why funding for public-school arts education matters to you: Wouldn't you like your subway musicians to know more than one song? [Hot Johnny]

• If you can't beat the camera-wielding tourists (figuratively or, alas, literally), join them. And make sure you take pictures of their reckless parenting techniques. [The Daily Dump]
• How to make your miserable evenings in swanky clubs just a touch more pleasant? Cards reading, "Congratulations, you're a douchebag!" We'd suggest printing up a batch. [Logged Hours]
• More challenges of living in New York: Potential suicides can interfere with with UPS deliveries. [Comedy Soapbox]
• Instead of crying about someone scratching your precious bumper, you can cry because you're being publicly mocked for using a bumper cover. And the best part? The privilege costs cost only $40. Ah, Park Slope. [The Muk Report]

• Feel free to ignore that woman falling every few steps down Broadway. It's just her fashionable shoes of death. [You Can't Make It Up]
• Sure, it might seem like a good idea to invite bloggers to your off-Broadway play in an attempt to drum up some free publicity. Unfortunately, cameraphone pix of the other bloggers in attendance probably wasn't the publicity you were looking for. [BlaggBlogg]
• Compulsively checking UPS.com for the tracking reports on your new cell phone can't be good for your eyes, mouse, or mental well-being. But New Yorkers rarely let that get in the way of their obsessive fixations. [Languor Management]

• His name isn't Earl; it's Jason. And, even at the Chelsea Hotel, he'd prefer if you paid attention to him rather that the "artwork" you just pulled out of the trash. [Living with Legends]
• Even worse than the fresh-faced college kids who will soon be descending on our city? The only slight less fresh-faced who've been here a few years and now think they're experts. [The Realests]
• The '80s ended for a reason. Why must you people continue reliving the horror? [ScorchedHotTub]

• It's 2 a.m. on Saturday morning. You may be drunk, but there's no way you hallucinated those white, middle-aged ConEd employees busting a move to DMX on the corner outside your apartment. [Logged Hours]
• If you live in an "artsy" neighborhood and require medical attention on the subway, you're probably shit out of luck. Those hipster kids would never use their trust funds for something useful like med school. [Karnivale]
• If Bloomberg can prohibit smoking in bars and riding between subway cars, you'd think he'd at least push through some legislation banning behavior that actually affects our quality of life. [This Is What We Do Now]

• Whoever said romance was dead obviously hasn't past the Chelsea Whole Foods on a Thursday night... [Besotted]
• ...but was probably drinking coffee on the subway this morning. [DrunkBrunch]
• Which is worse, a boss addicted to cocaine or a boss addicted to McDonald's fries? Tough call. [Belle in the Big Apple]

• Yes, there are rolls for sale at the bodega. No, you may not necessarily buy them. [The Liam McEneaney Experience]
• "Yesterday, I gave the cashier 1.50, I got back a nickel and a Dead Sea scroll." Duane Reade takes its role in destroying the environment very seriously. [Claudia Cogan]
• Nothing screams "American Pride" like a spandex flag haltertop. We'd suggest buying it two sizes too small and pairing it with Jordache jeans. [Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"]
• When planning your suicide, be sure to choose a fashionable train to hurl yourself in front of. [Hot Johnny]

• We have no idea why someone would chose to be an advertising exec rather than a Real Estate Agent To The Stars. Oh, wait. Yes we do. [LianneStokes]
• Toronto, according to its bloggers, is a wonderful city. Especially because it — very much unlike New York — apparently lacks catcalls. [High Class Jackass]
• Here's some late-breaking news: The subway is disgusting and inherently frustrating. [MetBlogs NYC]
• Bust out those Sharpies — it seems that homemade flyers are the new way to promote both questionable and illegal activity. [Cityrag]

• While keycard bumping and teenage grinding sounds like fun, you still couldn't pay us enough to go for bottle service with a dude who does "a mini-roof-raise" to celebrate gaining entrance to Marquee. [The Leveraged Sellout]
• What a tourist deserves for asking for directions to Hooters: Getting stuck in the crossfire of two New Yorkers' ego, and ending up at the wrong cross-street. [Undiscovered Superstar]
• The Trump men already had so much going for them: the cold stare, the iconic hair, the confident fashion sense. What could Trump Mortgage possibly add to the equation? [Dealbreaker]

• For some inexplicable reason you've decided you want to date a banker. (Oh, right: The money.) But how to snag one?. [Things That Make you Go "Hmmm"]
• Whether it's a hot dog or a hand job, some dudes just have to have it. [New York Hack]
• Tourist in New York piss everyone off, even the (allegedly) Amish. [Amish In the City]
• It's worse than crack: No matter how many times you swear off the place, Forever 21 will always suck you back in. [Diminishing Returns]