Miley Cyrus has been in mourning for her dog, Floyd, ever since he passed away back in April. She's built shrines to him, she's gotten Floyd tattoos with her fans, and now her ultimate tribute has nearly been realized. It's a light-up bong the size of a sixth grader, just like Floyd undoubtedly would have wanted.

Amanda Bynes has made headlines recently for all the right reasons, including for asking Drake to murder her vagina and for posting twerking videos and topless photos on her fascinating Twitter account. And now, the former child actor has been arrested after allegedly throwing a bong from her apartment's window.

Every act of celebrity self-destruction has an equal but opposite act of fameball creation. O.J. gave us Kato Kaelin; Tiger's sex addiction unleashed an army of porn stars. And now, meet Miley Cyrus's bong-ripping foil: self-proclaimed spotlight seeker Rachael Moran.

All that was once private is now public. This morning, a video of Miley Cyrus taking bong rips with buddies appeared online. And now, Billy Ray Cyrus discovers the video and chides his teenage daughter—also online.

In our attempt to defame each of America's fifty states (we've already insulted New Jersey and Michigan), we turn today to Florida, where incredibly dumb things frequently happen. Like dogs running over humans and babies getting caught smoking weed.

The Minnesota Supreme Court has ruled that bong water counts as a controlled substance, and you can be prosecuted for it. Who's that knocking on the door? Drink up, hippies.