We confess we were a bit taken aback by James Brady's fawning Forbes column on Bonnie Fuller today, "Queen of the Tabloids." He goes on and on about what wonderful things Bon-Bon has been doing with Star, and we were pretty sure the CW was that the Star makeover hasn't been a huge success, that Bonnie wasn't making her bonuses, and that things were looking grim, too, for AMI boss David Pecker. (Indeed, we were cocktailing last night with a media commentator much cleverer than us, who suggested we start a David Pecker Death Watch.) Also, we thought Monday's announcement that six of AMI's dozen titles, including Star, would miss their rate base wasn't so much a good thing.

Inspired by Us Weekly's entertainingly cruel "Who's Older" game (which may have originated at Amy's Robot), Media Orchard turns the tables:

• WP shuts off comments on a blog, because snooty MSM can't handle real reader's opinions. Or something like that; we haven't yet read the how-bloggers-should-be-dismissive memo. [NYT]
• TV news stars go to NPR to do reporting, get tote bags. [WSJ]
• This week fickle Jon Friedman crushes on Salon's Rebecca Traister. Because nothing's hotter than a chick who writes about chicks. [MW]
• MSLO had a good year, and only very partially because the boss got out of jail. [Folio:]
• Bonnie Fuller to speak to Columbia j-school; j-schoolers to throw themselves into Broadway traffic upon realizing they spent all that money to train for this? [WWD]

A teeny scoop: Stu Zakim, the high-level P.R. man who ran Wenner Media PR during the Bonnification of Us Weekly and joined AMI to handle the Star rebranding soon after the fabulous Ms. F arrived there to rebrand it, has his last day at the tabloid publisher Friday. He'll start next week as corporate communications veep at Showtime, which both brings him back into the entertainment world — odd fact: Zakim is a member of the Academy — and also reminds us that, no matter how well compensated for it, one can only spend so long working with Bonnie Fuller.

Bonnie Fuller's advice tome, (deep breath) The Joys of Much Too Much: Go for the Big Life — The Great Career, The Perfect Guy, and Everything Else You've Ever Wanted (Even If You're Afraid You Don't Have What It Takes), is headed to a bookstore near you this spring, and in today's WWD Jeff Bercovici takes a first look.

Being typically clad in fuzzy slippers and pajamas, we're hesitant to impart any words of advice regarding one's personal style. But we are compelled, as decent human beings, to intervene on AMI Editorial Director Bonnie Fuller.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions:

Let's start the day off with some hard news, perhaps some fodder so that you might sound a bit more genius around the water cooler (unless, of course, you're stuck at Wenner media, in which case you don't have any water whatsoever*), shall we? Sienna Miller, the former fiancée of Jude Law, is reportedly six weeks pregnant with his large-headed child. Or so says AMI's Star magazine, and we know they're #1 in Celebrity Baby-Creation. According to our friends at AMI, Sienna and Jude announced the news to their family just two days before Jude came forth and confessed that he had an affair with his children's nanny.

If you're anything like us, you've only been paying attention to whether or not Demi Moore is pregnant when the celebrity weeklies tell you to. Right now, most stalkerazzi diaries are telling us to pay attention to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's quest to build an exotic, sexualized Brady Bunch, but for some time American Media Inc.'s Star was hell-bent on convincing the world that Moore was carrying Ashton Kutcher's seed. Now, the latest issue of AMI's National Enquirer is reporting that Moore suffered a miscarriage. Demi herself, on the other hand, says that all of the above are completely fabricated and untrue: No pregnancy, no miscarriage. But since when do we listen to what the actual celebs have to say?

Keith "The Body" Kelly reports today that American Media Inc.'s celebrity-eating Canadian of Doom, editorial director and on-again, off-again Gawker mascot Bonnie Fuller might have to tighten her purse strings and downgrade her whip to a more frugal, pleather blend. Thus far, under her current contract, she's been sitting pretty:

Bonnie Fuller's upcoming memoir will be titled The Joys of Much Too Much: Go For the Big Life — The Great Career, The Perfect Guy and Everything Else You Ever Wanted (Even If You're Afraid You Don't Have What It Takes), as Jeff "Big Lug" Bercovici reported last week in WWD.

The Chicago Sun-Times' latest venture (click to enlarge).

• How to solve many of clubland's problems: The Guid-o-meter, patent pending. [Clubland]
• The L calls Chuck Klosterman's new book " a dismal, shoddy piece of work." Which, given their standards, might be a compliment. [The L]
• Seth Mnookin changes subtitle, appends corrections, and adds an afterword by the author in forthcoming paperback version of Hard News. But where will he put corrections to the afterword? [E&P]
• Bonnie Fuller's memoir finally has a pubdate (April 11, 2006) and an official title, "The Joys of Much Too Much: Go For the Big Life — The Great Career, The Perfect Guy and Everything Else You Ever Wanted (Even If You're Afraid You Don t Have What It Takes." At 33 words, that title would be feature story in her last few magazines. [WWD (second item)]
• Socal burger joint Fatburger invades the tristate area. We'll stick with the Corner Bistro, at least until In 'N' Out gets here. [Bergen Record]

Throwing convention to the wind, the cowboys of Star magazine cast the lone vote of doubt regarding the Union of Parises while simultaneously crafting a headline so evil — so magnificent — that the Post can do nothing but merely fall to its collective knees and weep.

Strange things are happening in Celebrity Weeklyville. In particular, UK import OK is crossing the pond — and they seem rather intent on raping and pillaging the AMI ship.

Whoever first introduced Andrew Hearst to QuarkXPress, we totally want to buy you a drink. Today, in wake of the brouhaha over Star's fake Brad-and-Angie photo, Amazin' Andrew, the heppest cat on the upper Upper West Side, quarks Bonnie Fuller a new one. JO

Speaking of Bonnie Fuller looking for some new Stars, we're rather certain she's reached out to "Perez Hilton" of gossip blog PageSixSixSix. Perez or Mario, as we like to call him was just hired for a full-time position with Bonnie. And good for him; homeboy's got to get paid, right?

Good morning, perpetually unemployed friends! We've got a big fat present for you:

Recall the sad story of Stephanie Green, a former Star researcher denied her shot at Devil Wears Prada fame/glory/royalties? Last fall, the Star's parent company, American Media, sued to stop her from selling her media memoir of a outlandish, totally fictional editor-in-chief named Bonnie Fuller Penny Saxe. Today, WWD reports the suit has been dismissed, freeing Green to start shopping the 300-page tome. Agents, start your engines.
Freedom of Spoof [WWD]
Previously: Bonnie Fuller Probably Hates Books [Gawker]

Another day, another roman clef: