Second-string New Yorker movie critic David Denby hates 'snark.' He wrote a whole book of fiction about it! What would the man think if he knew that snark—yes, snark—is creeping into his own publication's content?

Hey, our friend David Denby was on Charlie Rose last night, going on and on about how he despises Maureen Dowd. Why didn't he just call his book "All I Know Is Maureen Dowd Sucks"?

Noted drunk college drop-out David Plouffe just got a million-plus dollar book deal, and he doesn't even have a Tumblr. (Does he?) Here's the dumbest quote from the story:

Is hero pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger a normal man, or a superhuman paragon of ethics sent to earth to shame us into being better people? His treatment of an overdue library book points to "superhuman":

Oh, what a shock: David Denby's book, The Internet is Mean and I Am Smart, is full of either intentional misreadings and factual errors or inadvertent glaring mistakes because he is a lazy thinker and a poor writer, who really needs an editor, which is why he would not actually be a successful blogger, because he'd get called on his shit by those "snark-merchants" or whatever the hell he calls people who call people like David Denby on their obnoxious bullshit. Thankfully only two people have actually skimmed his book.

Those gold-digging "DABA" girls, the ones who're complaining about their impotent, newly-out-of-work banker boyfriends in the New York Times, have become overnight successes. All by themselves! They've gone and snagged a book deal.

Feeling depressed because the recession and the internet are both killing the book publishing industry, and hurting your hopes for the big literary contract you deserve? Just self-publish! Every other jerk is.

Even as she was helping ruin John McCain's presidential hopes forever, Sarah Palin was learning an important lesson from Barack Obama: Strike while your fame is still hot.

A tipster writes: "Okay WTF. This is upstairs at Barnes and Noble Union Square, before the [Neil deGrasse] Tyson reading. It is MOBBED. Who the hell is this dude? What gives????" Good questions!

New book Six Degrees of Paris Hilton profiles Darnell Riley, a shady criminal and pseudo-celebrity hanger-on who knows many wicked Hollywood-sleaze secrets. The tome spins many damning stories about the hood-lidded socialite's sordid existence.

Are you aware that reading the pop sociology of Malcolm Gladwell will turn you into a Certified Player (of women)? It's true! Real live pickup artist "The Don" reveals Gladwell's seductive lessons:

Rumor has it former Good Morning America producer Ben Sherwood was pressured into giving up an appearance on his former show — because out outrage from his own former staff.

Stephanie LaCava, the young Vogue writer and lit society socialite, has penned a "novel" about a rich girl spending high school in Paris. Someone's slipped us a draft. Let's take a look...

David Denby, the New Yorker movie critic (not the good one), continues to bait us in interview after interview so we'll write something about his book Snark, so it will sell. Okay fine, here:

Finally, Wasilla resident Sarah Palin has taken a concrete step towards "telling her story" without the distorting filter of the mainland media and mousy comedians. She's looking for a big fat book deal!

Drama and pissiness in the morning! A tipster tells us that some staffers at Good Morning America think a former executive producer ripped off their work to help get himself a book deal.

Your cold (double meaning) Friday media column: Star Trib goes bankrupt, layoff rumors, and you can watch Al Jazeera instead of reading book reviews, which will soon be nonexistent:

"I may not have always been a New Yorker," Hillary Clinton, who lives in Washington, said in her farewell-to-the-Senate address, "but I know I always will be one." She wrote a book about it!

Oprah Winfrey famously can't control her weight. She recently overate until she was 200 pounds. So why is her 17-year diet-and-exercise manager a bestselling author?

This is even more outrageous than that Hollywood scandal book we mentioned yesterday where all the most scandalous stuff was only available online, for free: