What's worse than being a bouncer? Being a volunteer bouncer! Like 23-year-old Nathan Landis, who, while keeping a vigilant watch over his favorite watering hole, saw another man wearing his hat backwards and zapped him repeatedly with a stun gun.

Be warned, ladies. If you want in on the once-great-now-sorta-fading Hudson Hotel bar scene, you better dye your damn hairs did. An irate (hopefully drunk) tipster wrote us last night (well, this morning) about a ridiculous injustice-worthy of the ACLU and inspirational films and the slow mourn of Barber's "Adagio for Strings"-that befell her at the midtown inn. She was denied entrance to the bar, threatened, and shamed. All because her hair was not flaxen.

So a middle-aged couple that lives in Las Vegas decided to splurge and take their daughter and her friends out to a hot nightclub (owned by the same people whose bouncers make half a million a year) for the daughter's 21st birthday [LV Sun]. Dad lines up reservations, and is led to believe he'll spend $1,000 for the night. Instead, he gets run through the wringer and extorted for tips by every bum employee in the place, until he's spent twice as much—including $120 for bathroom tips, and $100 to a security goon to "ensure their safety." Now he's pissed! It's easy to make fun of the old-people-at-a-club meme, but these were parents trying to do something nice for their daughter, and getting hustled by shady club people who saw them as easy marks. We must support them! It's like somebody taking advantage of your mom and dad.

"Word has it that Viacom permalancers will be barred from their holiday party tonight over concerns that there will be protests/disturbances related to the decision to slash benefits and salaries," an insider tells us. "The organizers of the holiday party are concerned about the bad press and potential for outbursts." Bad press! Outbursts! We are shocked! "Employees are afraid to contact Viacom security to find out of (sic) this is true." We were less (slightly) afraid, but when we got through to MTV's security desk and asked whether freelancers would be allowed at tonight's holiday shindig, a security guard, sounding more than a little cranky, said "I have no idea," and promptly hung up on us. Cheeky! Not like we can blame the guy, what with the headache he's got in keeping all those rowdy sticker-making, t-shirt-screening non-employee "employees" in line. So? What's the haps? We're sure Viacom wouldn't do something this stupid—oh, wait.

The Village Voice's Michael Musto very nearly got his ass kicked by an overzealous bouncer last week at Amanda Lepore's birthday party at Lotus. Worse yet, he almost didn't get in. "The security guy at the door—one of those power-mad, not-loved-enough-as-a-child types—actually gave me a hard time because I don't have a driver's license or walk around with my passport taped to my forehead," writes Musto. Or possibly the door dude was made suspicious by a grown man showing up to a nightclub via rickety bicycle? [VV]

We grant that bouncers, by definition, have to be a little bit douchey, if only because they voluntarily signed up for a job that involves making snap judgments about people based on their looks, kissing celebrity ass, etc. (Hmm, sounds a lot like our jobs! Maybe that's why Rob the Bouncer was such a success.) But as this interview with Marquee bouncer Wass Stevens shows, some bouncers are douchier than others: