A little over a week ago, Ted Cruz’s daughters managed to tolerate their father’s presence for an entire hour while being interviewed on CNN. But being rendered temporarily blind and deaf by Ted’s soup admission, we seem to have missed the night’s (other) big reveal: Multiple copies exist of a video of Ted Cruz dressed as, I guess, a princess, maybe? And friends, readers, countrymen, we want that video.

On two separate occasions this weekend, increasingly less-crypto crypto-fascist Donald Trump made reference to a video of thousands of Arab-Americans in Jersey City, New Jersey cheering as the Twin Towers fell on 9/11. Thus far, absolutely no one has been able to verify this claim, most likely because the video never actually existed in the first place. But on the infinitesimally small chance it is out there and you’ve got it—we want to see it and we’re willing to pay.

Earlier this month, a librarian in Canada stumbled across a forgotten copy of the original Star Wars shooting script. Which, uh...no offense to Canada, but we already have seen the first (fourth) Star Wars. What we really want is the script for the new one, The Force Awakens. And we’re willing to pay.

There is—if this overheard-in-a-taxi "@NYCTaxiCabTales" is to be believed—a video of "Rachel Maddow and Rush Limbaugh danc[ing] Salsa all night" at a "private club on 5th Ave." If you are the security guy who has the tape, we'd love to watch it.

A cruel practical joke made headlines this week when an autistic Cleveland teenager, believing he was participating in the ALS ice bucket challenge, instead had a mixture of urine, feces, spit, and cigarette butts dumped on his head. Now, comedian and amateur law enforcement agent Drew Carey is looking for answers.

On Tuesday, Gawker received an email sent on behalf of an elderly vlogger named Larry King, touting his recent interview with former boybander Lance Bass. Most of the chat revolved around topics related to Bass' sexuality and his space advocacy, but buried about halfway through the interview was this exchange:

When producer/singer Ryan Leslie had his laptop stolen on tour in Germany last October, he offered a $1 million reward. But the guy who found it says he still hasn't paid up, and now he's suing for $1 million.

The hunt for Puppy-Throwing Girl just got a lot more explosionier: Michael Bay, director of Victoria's Secret commercials and giant robot movies, has placed a $50,000 bounty on information leading to the arrest of the famed animal abuser.