Monday morning means box office. And a hot Monday morning means summer box office. Which means big, depressing numbers for big, depressing movies. Like G-Force, a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced sorta-animated movie about guinea pigs. Yes, guinea pigs.

Sure, sure, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince raked in a gazillion dollars this weekend. But who are these people who went to Ice Age? Our guess: creationist parents who wanted their kids to watch a nature documentary.

If a gay Austrian falls in the middle of his opening weekend, and lots of people are around to see it, does it mean America hates gay people? Probably yes.

We have a tie! For now. The actuals will come out soon and one film will beat the other. But now! Ambivalence or equality or peace or something. How perfect, as we stand in the smoky ashes of Freedom's birthday.

Pretty much everything was robots this weekend. Lots and lots of people wanted to see the robots. But other people wanted to see snarky people fall in love in Alaska. Others still wanted drunks in Las Vegas. But mostly, robots.

Sandy Bullock is back in the game, folks! At a lean, mean 45 the actress has pulled off a huge opening. Some credit should go, we suppose, to costars Ryan Reynolds and Betty White. But mostly, yeah, this is Sandy's.

The movie about drunks and their drunken ways keeps hitting the big time. As does the movie about white people in the jungle. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy and John Travolta have both seen better days.

Up barely floated past the boffo success story of the summer, The Hangover, while some other films struggled for traction in a loud, crowded summertime cinemascape.

That's the lesson for this big boffo box office Memorial Day weekend, which saw the further ascension of the Stills, as well as screenwriters/Reno: 911! costars Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant, who just keep churning out the hits. Poor skull-busting Terminator, a film that seems to be in trouble.