Did you hear? Teens are getting dangerously drunk by soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them up their butts. Or, wait, are they getting dangerously drunk by drinking Four Loko? Or maybe they're getting dangerously high huffing human poop? Or are they having dangerous sex at Rainbow Parties?

Have you ever seen this kind of woven bracelet before? Supposedly all the kids are wearing these things now—errrrr, I mean, planning on wearing them, soon, very soon, like any day now. It's so they can smoke their weed and get high, to spite you!

Stuck at home on a drunk-driving conviction waiting for a "private security firm" to attach a court-mandated ankle monitor? Try this foolproof trick: Don't have a leg!

Kids these days aren't even interested in "Silly Bandz" bracelets any more. Kids these days are all about "I (heart) boobies!" bracelets now. Kids these days!

A new study of Norwegian business productivity practices has found that, well, some Norwegian bosses are nuts. Like the guy who made his female employees wear red bracelets during their periods "to justify more frequent trips" to the bathroom.

The new status symbol for hedge funders and corporate tycoons: feminine bracelets worn on their wrists next to their expensive watches. It's an "I'm so insanely rich, I get to break the rules" kinda thing, apparently.