Bret Stephens, the deputy editorial page editor for the Wall Street Journal and recipient of the 2013 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary, is a fundamentally bad person, as he explains in his newspaper column today.

Shorter Bret Stephens: You college brats are all lefty molly-coddled pissants. Now, please hire me to do more commencement speeches! Wah wah wahhh, Bret. Wah wah wahhhh.

Lady Gaga and Sandra Bullock: What do these two attractive female celebrities have in common? They were both featured in the headlines of conservative opinion columns today! Let us investigate why Sandra Bullock and Lady Gaga were in the headlines.