Have you flown lately? You don't remember, do you? You were too drunk. That's not just a troubling sign of your creeping alcoholism; it's also a business plan for the entire airline industry!

A Staten Island man was arrested this week for hurling a bag of feces (his own, presumably) at the door of his neighbor, with whom he didn't get along. So unoriginal! Neighborly revenge deserves better.

Tribune Co. is a once-proud media company that's been bankrupted by an arrogant billionaire and a gang of former radio executives whose only skill is writing comical memos. Their new plan to save Tribune: TV news with no pesky humans.

Tribune Broadcasting is appointing two new "regional vice presidents for innovation and imagination," and "restructuring...such creative services functions as branding and marketing at its TV outlets." They must really mean business! What does Tribune's memo-from-Mars issuer Lee Abrams say, hmmm?

It's time to send your unbearable children far away to summer camp, so that you may have a moment's peace! Oh here's one: "Graffiti and Street Art Camp." The most hardcore summer camp ever? Actually, the opposite!

Huzzah, it's time for another risible media query from Help a Reporter Out, where flacks and desperate journalists connect. Put on your thinking caps: Can you come up with a bright side to this oil spill? Anyone? [UPDATED below].

The Way We Live Now: Fulfilling our old bright ideas. Facts of the world be damned! You know what would be great right about now? A $1.3 billion tower of superluxury apartments in Midtown Manhattan. This is a good idea.

Whether anyone likes it or not, "Everybody Draw Mohammed [sp?] Day" is here, thanks to the unstoppability of internet memes. Muslim reactions have ranged from reasonable to unreasonable. But the reaction of the day's (unintentional) creator sums it up best.

Do you love to have your boobs almost hanging out, but not at work? Why not buy this product, "Cami Secret?" It's basically a napkin you put under your sweater to cover your boobs. What next, flying cars? [Adrants]

Great news for those who don't find Gramercy bars gimmicky enough: at the Exchange Bar & Grill, food and drink prices fluctuate like stock prices, based on demand. So...cheap food, expensive cocaine? [ABC]

The Way We Live Now: Weighing our options. Unwisely. Americans were never famous for our ability to make calm, sober choices. A recession is just an excuse to become a pirate! Or ask for donations! Or break outta jail!

In your blizzardy Wednesday media column: Luke Russert does it the Luke Russert way, the NYT has no iPad comment, a new journalism moneymaking scheme, and David Remnick acts so haughty you'd think he runs America's best magazine or something.

I guess several yoga mats could be combined into some sort of...nah, no idea. We've contacted the yoga studio for comment. Donate now, you selfish bastard. [via James Fallows] UPDATE: A nice lady from the yoga studio explains, below.

On the 15th anniversary of her death, Tejano queen Selena is finally telling her story—by co-writing a new book with her former publicist, who channels Selena with the help of a psychic. This will save publishing. [Guanabee]

Jon Gosselin needs a job. Boxing needs a savior. Michael Lohan (pictured!) needs someone to fight. Do we smell the sweet aroma of cultural convergence?

It's a weekday, and that means the Hipster Grifter is back, with some more sexxxy jail correspondence! Besides her usual ho-hum tales of imaginary lesbian jail sex, Kari reveals her wacky idea for a reality TV show. Snag her now!

We as Americans are not in the shape we once (1942) were. Is it possible to "lose" the accumulated weight of decades of Cap'n Crunch, Nestle Quik, and Quarter Pounders? America's willing to give it a shot. With crazy schemes.

CNN just reported that the Coast Guard fired on a "suspicious" vessel on the Potomac in D.C., but the Coast Guard says it was a training exercise and no shots were fired.

Vanity Fair contributing editor and Graydon Carter pal Fran Lebowitz has some words of advice for a certain similarly named colleague. Annie Leibovitz, your ears are burning.

Sometimes it really does make sense for a famous brand to change its name. It happened to Uncle Adolf's Old-Tyme KKKandy, and now it's happening to Radio Shack. Too bad the new name is even worse.