While treating a 50-year-old patient suffering from headaches, British doctors say they found a years-old tapeworm living in the man's brain. Additionally, added everyone, UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

In gross defiance of both our Declaration of Independence and our Bill of Rights, some unemployed British tourists are hoping to enforce a dress code on our free American press corps. Sir and madam, the only rule of dressing on these shores is: Take that crown off your head and shove it up your ass.

British Parliament voted today in favor in joining the American-led air campaign against ISIS targets in Iraq. Military action was approved by a 524 to 43 vote after seven hours of debate. Prime Minister David Cameron said he recalled Parliament Friday in the hopes of the matter going to a vote. "This is not the stuff of fantasy—it is happening in front of us and we need to face up to it," Cameron said.

British police arrested nine men this morning in an anti-terror sweep across London and the English Midlands. Hours before the arrest, Prime Minister David Cameron announced that the U.K. should join in airstrikes on ISIS in Iraq. "These people want to kill us," he told Brian Williams last night.

Michael Gove, Britain's conservative Education Secretary, appears to be a bit ruffled by the quality of American literature: in a move encouraged by Gove, two works of American fiction have been removed from the national GCSE exam syllabus entirely.

It's the third anniversary of Ed Balls Day, the day when British Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer Ed Balls accidentally sent out a tweet containing nothing but his name (which doubles as a snappy euphemism for testicles).

The London Underground network's new Crossrail line, under construction since 2009, is the most expensive infrastructure project in Europe. Twenty-four billion dollars worth of high-speed rail spanning 73 miles and 37 stations across the city. Lots of spending and digging, obviously. An excavation crew even managed to dig up a mass grave filled with pottery and human rib cages.

In a major defeat for Prime Minister David Cameron, British parliament voted against 285-272 against taking any military action in Syria. The vote effectively ensures that Britain will not be involved with any U.S.-led military intervention against the Assad government.

Two men were arrested Friday afternoon on suspicion of endangering an aircraft on its approach to England's Manchester Airport.

The two men responsible for the grisly stabbing death of a British army recruiter were being followed by the British domestic security service, MI5, for over eight years before Wednesday's events.

Baroness Margaret Thatcher, the longest-serving Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the 20th century, and the first and only female prime minister, has died of a stroke at age 87.

In 1994 Peter Scott, Britain's most legendary cat burglar, wrote the The Daily Telegraph, saying that it would be "a massive disappointment if I were not to get a mention in [its] illustrious obituary column."

The British (and much of the EU) are freaking out over this horse meat scandal, which has only grown in intensity since it was revealed that instead of just trace amounts of equine meat in frozen food manufacturer Findus' Lasagna products, it was, er, pretty much all horse.

Depressing information for the normal set: a new study from an economist at UC Davis has found that social mobility, while still a cool concept, is not really happening. By following the rare surnames of prosperous Swedes (prosperous Swedes wake up every morning, clad in their flaxen robes, singing "I am a prosperous Sweeeeede!"), Gregory Clark found that the names of elite families in the 18th century still make up more than their correct proportion of premium jobs. According to The Economist:

McDonald's is set to become the United Kingdom's biggest book distributor, offering children's books as the world's shittiest "toy" that comes with its Happy Meals.

It's the holidays, and what better way to celebrate than with heartwarming stories about the power of familial love? Like this one, about the father who sent his three adult children a long letter expressing his "bitter disappointment" and listing the many "copulation-driven" things that they had done wrong in life. Talk about Christmas cheer!

British intellectual Eric Hobsbawm, the pre-eminent historian of his generation, died Monday morning in a hospital in London, where he was being treated for pneumonia. He was 95.

After seeing one too many stock shots of bright umbrellas bobbing down a rainy street, Malcolm Bell, a British tourism official and head of VisitCornwall.com, snapped.

A coroner has found that a British spy whose naked corpse was found locked inside a duffle bag, itself inside his bathtub, was "likely" killed in a criminal act.