Sadly another season of this show has come and gone. Like most episodes, nothing happened, but the plot still seemed to progress. That's why we translated the action into serial comic form. It's later, the same day...
Heidi got some puppies for her birthday, but that's not enough. She has her prop neighbor child over to try to convince Spencer it's time to have kids. We know she's not ready, but she's already practicing by telling stories.
Getting sober is nothing to joke about, but it is the cause for some very, very serious reality television moments. Just ask Holly Montag, who refutes accusations that she is a drunk with slurry, drink-in-hand dances.
• Madonna reveals all sorts of juicy, personal stuff in an interview in the November issue of Rolling Stone. Like how she really wanted to work with Eminem, but he turned her down (ouch); how her graffiti tag name back in the '80s was "Boy Toy" (how ironic!); and how she was a total geek in high school, just like every other celeb in the universe. [P6, NYDN]
• Penelope Cruz is making a cameo in the Sex & the City sequel. Get ready to suspend belief: She'll be playing the role of a banker. [People]
• Emanuel Ungaro "creative consultant" Lindsay Lohan is blaming the epic disaster that was her recent fashion show in Paris on "coming in so late and having not that much time to do a whole collection." She also says she's still "learning" and that the negative press isn't going to stop her from returning to Paris in a few months to give it another shot. You go, girl! [People]
• Because he's a romantic at heart, Alex Rodriguez flew to Miami for a single night to take Kate Hudson to dinner. Oh, yea, and to see his kids, too. [P6]
The Hills are on fire! Everyone is talking about last night's sixth season premiere, but it looks like Lauren Conrad leaving has doomed the show. Know what, who cares? The City is a million times better, anyway.
Learning about how much the stars of The Hills make will make you want to vomit. If it doesn't make you want to vomit, it will surely make you want be on TV. Both are appropriate reactions.
Old guys: Jon Gosselin's still around, Paul McCartney still has lady problems. Brody Jenner, Joe Francis: small penises. Pattinson, Stewart, and the sacred word. Fire Island, the East Village, Africa: we are the world. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:
Joe Francis fought with Brody Jenner and his girlfriend. Kristen Stewart's naked, lacks confidence, blows Robert Pattinson...away. Jason Biggs + Monkey = Comedy. Lily Allen is scary, Jessie Spano needs advice, Oasis broke up. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.
• Lindsay Lohan's troubles continue: Last week, the cell phone she left behind at a bodega in NYC prompted her to call the cops; now the police in LA are investigating a break-in at her Hollywood Hills home, which her family now says may have been an inside job. [People, TMZ, NYP]
• David Blaine's magic skills have turned a bit rusty. Although he was told not to go swimming in the ocean on account of Hurricane Bill, he jumped in the water at Necox Beach in Watermill anyway. And instead of magically transporting himself to safety, a couple of lifeguards had to go and rescue him and a few of his friends. [NYP]
• Ryan Jenkins, the reality show contestant wanted for murdering (and dismembering) his ex-wife, Playboy model Jasmine Fiore, was found dead of an apparent suicide yesterday. [AP, TMZ]
Kim Cattrall turns 53 today. Kelis is turning 30. Heroes star Hayden Panettiere is turning 20. Google co-founder Sergei Brin is 36. Steve Case, the co-founder of AOL, is turning 51. CBS Early Show co-anchor Harry Smith turns 58. Randy Mastro, a former deputy mayor and now a lawyer, is 53. Actress Carrie-Anne Moss (The Matrix, Memento) is turning 42. Country music legend Kenny Rogers is 71. C-list reality TV star Brody Jenner is turning 26. And Long Island's very own Amy Fisher turns 35 today. Weekend birthdays below!
Brad and Angelina want to move to the Upper West Side, I'd prefer they didn't. Shirley Jones wants to get naked; same. Piven's a perv, Shatner's sad, Paul McCartney sucks, Stevie Wonder does blow! Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:
• It was clear that Michael Wolff was a bad husband and a bad boss. But now it looks like he's a lousy son, too. Wolff is being sued by his poor 85-year-old mother-in-law for trying to evict her from her one-bedroom apartment so he could sell it and collect a profit. [P6]
• Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday and was charged with assault and making criminal threats. He faces four years in state prison if convicted. [NYP, Us]
• Marc Anthony touched the leg of a woman other than JLo, which means he was either "flirting with danger" or just being nice to a "longtime friend." [Star]
• Just another typical Friday: Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault for punching a fan last year. [Reuters]
Last night, MTV started its new "Brody Jenner finds a friend" series Bromance in the way many had anticipated: with a loving homage to the naked, hooded dehumanization perfected at Abu Ghraib.
