A killer tornado hits the American heartland! Deadliest to hit Indiana in three decades! Destruction! Horrible loss, with horrible pictures! What could possibly top that as the lead Drudge story of the day?

For roughly the ten-thousandth time in the last three months, dreamy-eyed Brokeback Mountain star Jake Gyllenhaal answers a question about what it was like to undergo the harrowing ordeal of an ostensibly straight actor pretending to give Heath Ledger a handjob. Gyllenhaal says his upbringing gave him the strength to spit in his palm and get down to his on-screen manual labor: