Last night, rapper Jay Z and his lifelike wife Beyoncé attended a basketball game in Brooklyn, where they watched the Nets thrash the visiting Oklahoma City Thunder, 116 to 85. Or, anyway, that's what was happening in front of them. God only knows what Beyoncé was seeing.

The new Brooklyn Nets' Brooklynettes cheerleader uniforms were revealed this week, and they are bad. They are bad in ways you would expect, like a cropped warm up jacket. They are bad in surprising new ways, like "painted sequin leggings." Because they are complicated, multi-piece ensembles, they are bad in many ways. Because they mostly consist of pieces of fabric bearing the word BROOKLYN in capital letters, they are bad in ways that seem Brooklyn-specific, but are, in fact, universal.