Why is it that people continually conflate the accrual of loads and loads of money coupled with a cheesy TV spot as prerequisites to becoming an effective policy-maker?

How sad must the traveling merchant class be? What do they long for at night, in their hotels, after closing hot business deals? Well, 25 percent of these men, supposedly, cuddle with stuffed animals, weeping themselves to sleep.

Some brash "can-do" entrepreneur is selling a historic pair of ugly Portfolio cufflinks bearing the nonsensical slogan "Linking Business and Pleasure," which describes "Gossip" much better than "Portfolio" or "cufflinks." Please use this priceless item for the good of mediakind!

Swedish countess Marie Douglas-David was in court explaining why she wants $100 million in her divorce: her husband was too generous! Then again, he's a heartless control freak. And she's a shrew! They're perfect together:

Marie Douglas-David, the Swedish countess divorcee who is demanding $100 million from her soon-to-be-ex-husband to meet her $53,000-per-week minimum needs, is now telling her side of the story: her husband's a divorce sex fiend!

Steve Stoute is Jay-Z's partner in Translation Advertising, and specializes in connecting huge corporations to "urban" celebrities for ridiculous amounts of money. Such as R&B star Chris Brown's secret deal to make a song all about Wrigley's gum, but not tell anyone until after it was a #1 hit! "It's incredible that an artist was nominated for a Video of the Year with a Wrigley's jingle," says Stoute. Yes, quite. "And 'selling out' today, he adds, means creating inauthentic relationships between pop culture and product." Oh, I thought it meant "The Slogan On Steve Stoute's Business Card." [Adweek]