For months now, innocent shoppers in Virgina—the state that is, incidentally, "for lovers"—have been terrorized by a Serial Butt Stabber. Now, it appears that his reign of booty assault is even worse than previously suspected.

Last year women spent almost $50 million on worthless products that failed to get rid of cellulite. Stop the madness! Must the New York Times plaster an entire Styles page with a naked bottom to get you to listen? Yes.