Earlier today, Gawker reported that struggling presidential candidate Marco Rubio cracked a molar on a Twix bar. Sad, we thought. How did this happen?

PLYMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE—Inside of Donald Trump’s rally on Sunday in northern New Hampshire, the press stayed inside of a tiny prison, where they were safe. Surrounding them: haters.

“I just think there ought to be a no-Twitter rule for candidates after 8 o-clock!” Jeb Bush told DailyMail.com yesterday. “There just should be, like, a rule.”

Nasty old "Mayor of Terror" Rudy Giuliani will appear with congressional candidate Chris Gibson at a place named Total Tool today. Later he is expected to drink/cry himself to sleep in the ladies' bathroom of a pawn shop called Dickhead.