Laura Ling and Euna Lee, freed from North Korea. David Rohde escaped from the Taliban. Kidnapping is a constant danger to journalists—and an awesome career opportunity! Here's how to take advantage of the scarynewsiest moment of your life.

It was Saturday, March 24th at 10:50 p.m. Ken Derry, an aspiring writer and head of publications for the Yankees, was surrounded by a group of teenagers. They attacked him, twice! Derry's assailants punched his face in and even pushed his girlfriend. But it wasn't that bad a night, in the end. For one thing, as he writes, he got a published story out of it!

In our unbridled pursuit of fame and of the validation of the establishment, we do a lot of things of which we are not particularly proud. Things like appearing on Fox's 2 a.m. shit-show "Red Eye," attending panels where Graydon Carter is a featured speaker, being in the same neighborhood as Julia Allison, walking by the Beatrice Inn, that sort of thing. As we watched the Don Imus drama unfold this week, though, we decided that there must be limits, even for us. No matter how desperate or attention-starved we may be, there is no excuse for condoning racism and sexism. All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do very little, or something like that. Now we must take a stand: We will never make a guest appearance on Mr. Imus' television show or his radio program. Pardon our brief sincerity, but we feel that strongly about this issue, and thought now would be exactly the right time to make this pledge.