Unlike most adulterous celebrity scandals, the latest claim that Most Awkward On-Screen Sex Partner Matthew Broderick has pulled a Beckham / Phillippe / Hawke by getting involved in a long-term affair with a 25-year old redhead is actually filled to the brim with hilariously kinky details. The Star exclusive includes all sorts of juicy and slightly nauseating allegations, making Pat O’Brien’s “I want to fucking eat you!” sweet nothings seem tame in comparison. As sad as any remaining fans of Ferris may be to hear it, the mag’s sources claim newly mole-less SJP’s hubby is fond of popping ‘round his do-gooder mistress’ bedroom, darting out after 30 minutes, and leaving the girl “passed out on her bed in her panties.” But is this really so shocking? After the jump, we cover the many times Parker has hinted that the long-married couple has serious issues, from her comments that he’s always “secretly manipulating you,” to the time she confessed she just adores seeing him “have great chemistry” with other women:Beginning in 2001, when she forgot to thank her husband during her Best Actress speech at the Golden Globes, Parker has been blabbing to many a tab about just how “treacherous” her 11-year marriage is. Just two years ago, she said in an interview, "I feel bad that he’s not on the market...He’s just getting to his prime and I’m holding him back. Every now and then I see him with a woman and she’s really smart and beautiful and I’m like, ‘God they have great chemistry. They’d be great together.’” Not to mention her recent delight in telling NY Mag that he “doesn’t have enough friends.” Ultimately, the fact that Broderick has been trysting all over town making late-night visits to the mystery woman’s bedroom (and lasting 30 minutes, no less!) sounds like a dream come true for SJP. All her wishes have come true: on the market? Check. More friends? Nailed one. Plus, her remark in the same NYM piece that “Broderick says, ‘That’s your fault!’ when he sees a thong poking up from low-slung jeans” must feel oh-so-satisfying. Parker can even claim responsibility for Matty Cakes’ newfound happiness inside those thongs he apparently stares at every time they leave the house together! [Photo credit: Splash]