• Whoops! Jeremy Piven was seen eating a mercury-laden plate of tuna tartare and calamari salad last weekend, although his publicist is now denying the account. [MSNBC]
• "Insiders" say that Ivana Trump and Rossano Rubicondi did not, in fact, marry because they were hopelessly in love, but because it was all part of a deal to stir up some publicity and the two even had a contract drawn up. Our faith in romance has been crushed! [NYDN]
• How did the press know Chris Brown was in Miami with Rihanna last weekend? He told them so, silly. In related news, Rihanna is reportedly refusing to testify against him (even though prosecutors plan to move forward). And Brown is scheduled to be arraigned today, although it's unclear if he'll make a courthouse appearance. [P6, NYP, People]
• Jeff Toobin changed his Facebook status to "Married" yesterday. That'll clear everything up! [P6]

• Madonna is supposedly furious with Alex Rodriguez for returning to his ex-wife Cynthia after the steroid scandal broke a few days ago; we're guessing she won't be too happy with the pics of A-Rod partying with a group of girls in the Bahamas the weekend before, either. [NYDN, NYP]
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. [People, P6]
• Cops will reinterview Rihanna and Chris Brown in the coming days. [NYDN]
• Mort Zuckerman had a nice, long, expensive lunch at the Four Seasons right after slashing benefits at the Daily News. [P6]
• Prince Harry has been ordered to undergo "sensitivity training." [People]

• Tom Cruise tried to impress a group of reporters at a press event in Brazil by speaking Spanish instead of Portuguese. Nice one, Tom. [P6]
• Etta James is no fan of Beyonce. She told a crowd in Seattle that she "can't stand" the singer, and that she "had no business" singing "At Last" at Obama's inauguration two weeks ago. Oh, and she's "gonna get her ass whupped," if she keeps singing Etta's songs, too. [NYDN, OK!]
• Paris Hilton wants to date a "big-money man" in LA, but she isn't having much success finding one who's willing to be seen with her in public. [P6]

At the annual Sidaction AIDS benefit dinner in Paris last night, Carla Bruni, in purple strapless satin Yves Saint Laurent, did what she does best: reveled in the spotlight and upstaged every other dolled-up female—Mischa Barton, Vanessa Paradis, Diane Kruger, Dita von Teese, Milla Jovovich, Laeticia Casta, Dasha Zhukova, Virginie Ledoyen—in the room.

File this under things you didn't wake up this morning needing to know. Julie Imperiali, Nicolas Sarkozy's personal trainer, says she was hired by Carla Bruni last year to help the French president shed weight and improve his sexual stamina. The workout plan focuses "on the perinea muscles at the bottom of the pelvis," a regimen that addresses "problems of premature ejaculation." Glad to hear Sarkozy is getting the therapy needed to keep Carla a very happy first lady. And at least Michelle now knows who to contact if Barack's new job starts interferring with his performance in the White House's master bedroom. [NYP]

• Both retailers and editors are scaling back plans for the couture shows in Paris in January. Anna Wintour, however, will not be deterred. [The Cut]
• A list of 2008's "ubiquitors." [WWD]
• Designer Ted Lapidus is dead at 79. [Guardian]
• The movie about the Bruni-Sarkozy love affair will only air in France, alas. [Style.com]
• A former YSL makeup artist has slapped the company with a discrimination lawsuit. [WWD]
• Tough times: the CEO of Liz Claiborne is forced to fly commercial. [WSJ]
• Did you miss The City? You didn't miss much, but Whitney Port has posted her very own recap, if you're interested. [Celebuzz]

Carla Bruni Sarkozy is celebrating today—France's First Lady is turning 41. CBS chief Les Moonves is 60. Conservative coumnist Bill Kristol is 56. Soap star Susan Lucci is 62. Badgley Mischka's James Mischka is turning 48. Author Donna Tartt is 45. Literary agent Elyse Cheney is 41. Retired Army General (and one-time presidential candidate) Wesley Clark is turning 64. Rock star Eddie Vedder turns 44. And The Girls Next Door's Holly Madison is 29 today.

Has marriage to a vertically-challenged head of state robbed France's First Lady of her sense of humor? Carla Bruni Sarkozy—whose party trick used to be making her boobs dance individually—is now suing a French clothing chain for slapping her famous nude photo on their seasonal shopping bags. It could be worse: A few weeks ago Sarkozy tried (and failed) to ban the sale of a voodoo doll in his image, which has since turned into a big seller in Paris this holiday season. [Telegraph]

Except for the simmering, hate-fucky annoyance that Matt Lauer dishes out to Ann Curry on a daily basis, Today had always existed in a G-rated realm of sexuality until this past fall, when the gloves — and the blouses — came off. First, Marcia Brady revealed touching tales of family-bred syphilis, then the bastard son of Jay Thomas doffed his shirt to reveal some silky lingerie. Today, though, Lauer had to contend with a producer who blew his throw to commercial with a rather distracting, extreme close-up of French First Lady Carla Bruni's rack. It was while watching this show that Barack Obama turned to Michelle and said, "You're only doing GMA from now on." [Today]

Philip Seymour Hoffman walking with a friend in Chelsea ... Carla Bruni blowing a kiss to photgraphers outside the Letterman show ... Rihanna arriving at JFK ... Naomi Watts walking in SoHo ... Keanu Reeves carrying a Barneys bag in Central Park ... James Franco leaving the New York Times building and later arriving at Letterman's studios ... actor Emile Hirsch walking with friends ... Katie Holmes leaving the Schoenfeld Theatre after a performance ... and a spandex-clad Robin Williams riding his bike at night.

Keira Knightley walking in SoHo with her mom ... Natalie Portman filming scenes for her new movie at the Wollman Rink in Central Park ... Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy walking out of a downtown restaurant ... Penn Badgley carrying takeout from Cafe Habana on Prince Street ... Brooke Shields hailing a cab in the West Village ... Naomi Watts pushing her son's stroller in NoHo ... Robin Williams carrying a Juicy Couture bag in the West Village ... Ed Westwick walking on Chrystie Street ... Emma Thompson posing for photographers outside the Letterman show ... Kid Rock leaving the Trump International Hotel ... and Anna Wintour getting out of a car.

France's First Lady Carla Bruni, who's never met a spotlight opportunity she didn't like, is eagerly joining her husband Nicolas Sarkozy in praising the Obamas. Mrs. Sarkozy said in a TV interview that she "can't wait" to meet Michelle Obama: "To see this couple go to the White House is just magnificent." The Italian-born former model/actress also told a French newspaper that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's comments about Barack Obama's "tan" made her "pleased to have become French." [People, TFP]

♦ J. Crew is absolutely delighted Michelle Obama mentioned the brand on The Tonight Show last night. It's already the basis of an online ad campaign. [Jezebel, Politico]
♦ The Olsens celebrated the launch of their book at Barneys last night, after which MK celebrated into the night at Bungalow 8 and Lit. Today the duo signed books at Barnes & Noble, where they were greeted by PETA protesters in masks. [style file, OK!]
♦ Rachel Roy is just like you and me: She relishes going to vintage stores in small towns because "they aren't picked over by designers like New York is." As for whose style she most admires? Lauren Santo Domingo's. [FabSugar]
♦ You may have balked at Tom Ford's $9,240 otter fur boots, but you'll feel silly on the beach at St. Barts this winter without his $475 tanning goggles! [style file]

Matthew Broderick holding hands with Sarah Jessica Parker while walking in Midtown and later riding on a scooter with little James ... Maggie Gyllenhaal crossing the street ... Calvin Klein eating outside with a friend ... Carla Bruni carrying a Post under her arm ... Marcia Gay Harden and her daughter crossing the street with smoothies in hand... Katie Holmes leaving her building solo ... Sarah Palin arriving at the Colombian Embassy on the Upper East Side ... Diane Lane posing with an autograph-seeker outside her hotel ... Julianne Moore hopping into a SUV outside her West Village townhouse ... Matt Dillon stepping off the sidewalk ... Billy Bob Thornton outside NBC before taping Conan O'Brien's show ... and John Mayer all dressed up en route to a benefit.

Attending official functions with her diminutive husband, French prez Nicolas Sarkozy, Carla Bruni's perfectly chosen outfits and European charm remain far more newsworthy than the boring old diplomatic business that's the ostensible reason for her presence here. Yesterday's schedule included a visit to the UN, where her husband gave a speech to world leaders but, more importantly, Bruni wore "demure" pinstripes and a ponytail.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy and his beautiful, mesmerizing wife Carla Bruni are in New York City today, taking in the local culture and meeting with various heads of state. Also in town, Alaskan governor and Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin! You know, little Sarah Heath from Wasilla! The Observer wonders if they'll cross paths at all, envisioning a potential dinner full of awkwardness and, eventually, shouting. We're gonna use our drama degree for once and take it one step further. After the jump, find an imagined (because reporters aren't actually allowed to these meetings) scene from the dinner. [NICOLAS, CARLA, SARAH, and her husband TODD are seated in a secluded corner of a fancy midtown Manhattan restaurant. A long pause.] SARAH: Well this sure is fancy. CARLA: Oh, yes. It is very lovely no? SARAH: I tell ya, I haven't had a decent meal since Todd'n me got a Rodeo burger at the Minneapolis airport. Ever had one'a those? Rodeo Burgers? CARLA: Ahh.. I— SARAH: From Burger King? CARLA: Oh, yes, yes. Of course. Burger King. No, I've not had the, uh, Rodeo hamburger. TODD: Helluva sandwich. Helluva sandwich. NICOLAS: Ms. Palin, your husband tells m— SARAH: Oh for pete's sake, call me Sarah. NICOLAS: Oui, of course. Sarah. Your husband tells me you do some hunting? SARAH: Sure do. Oh yeah. Yup. NICOLAS: Pheasant? Foxes? SARAH: No, no. Mostly the bigger stuff. Moose'n such. CARLA: Moose is... an elk or something, yes? SARAH: Sorta like that only bigger'n slower and stuff. TODD: Helluva kill, the moose. Helluva kill. SARAH: Do you hunt Carly? CARLA: Uh, no. No hunting for me. I play music? The guitar? SARAH: Oh my goodness. Todd, I told you she was arty. You look arty, Carly. Whaddaya play? Do you know any Jim Croce? CARLA: I play, uh, my original songs. SARAH: Holy Nome, you write your own stuff, eh? NICOLAS: She writes beautifully. SARAH: Well that... That's just great. [A long pause. Clinking of utensils.] SARAH: I hear Paris is a lovely country. I've always wanted to go to Euro Disney. When I was a little girl I used to look at maps? Lotsa maps. And you could see Idaho, and New Mexico, and New Hampshire, and the Carolinas. All that. None of 'em ever had France on 'em, though. Nope. Never been there. Hear it's real nice. Little [does shaky hand motion] for my taste, but real nice. When all this is over, Todd and I were thinkin' about going down to Myrtle Beach. You two ever been there? NICOLAS: Ah, no. No. We were recently in Sardinia, though. SARAH: Where they get the little fish! NICOLAS: Uh, yes. Yes. I suppose so. SARAH: How about that. Huh, Todd? How about that Todd? TODD: Helluva thing. Helluva thing. SARAH: Say, do you two have any kids? CARLA: Yes, but not together. None together. SARAH: Oh, well that's too bad. You'd better get workin'! Would you like to see mine? CARLA: Yes, of course. SARAH: Terrific. They're in my purse here somewhere. CARLA: Photographs? SARAH: No, no. The actual kids. Hold on here a sec... [She bends down and begins rooting around in her purse. Scene.] Palin chats with Henry Kissinger over at Daily Intel!

So many important people in the city, have you noticed? They're all on hand for the opening session of the UN General Assembly, of course, which is why you can't move three inches in a taxi in less than 10 minutes and why a trip to your local coffee cart requires you to wait as a motorcade of 19 vehicles passes by first. Yesterday Nicolas Sarkozy bounced around from event to event. Of course, no one had the slightest interest in the French president; all eyes were on his wife, Carla Bruni and the outfits that she unveiled almost hourly.

♦ Leonardo DiCaprio's romance mojo isn't good this week: On the heels of his break up with Bar Refaeli, Gisele is banishing the memory of their relationship by selling the jewelry he gave her at auction. The October 15th Christie's sale will include a diamond pendant necklace estimated to fetch up to $150,000. [WWD]
♦ People's "Best Dressed" list, topped by Kate Hudson and including Gwyneth Paltrow, Sarah Jessica Parker and (of course) Michelle Obama, is a totally random list of averagely-dressed women who happen to have been photographed a lot lately. [People]
♦ Carla Bruni-Sarkozy was photographed in Paris last week for T's winter fashion issue, which comes out October 19th. [WWD]

As a commenter put so depressingly yesterday, France gets Carla Bruni and we get Sarah Palin. Or, as the case may be, we get Cindy McCain. That potential first lady is a cold and at times cruel liar (according to Ariel Levy, at least), while Bruni—despite her many booji faults—is at least interesting. The nudie patootie French first lady is, well, gorgeous, but beside that she's chic and smart and Italian and talented and she dated Mick Jagger. Plus, she's a singer/songwriter who performed on the BBC last night. So who cares that she has a strange marriage to a really conservative French politician. We're just endlessly fascinated with her, because we here in American Wife land haven't really ever seen anything like it. And hey! Vanity Fair agrees with us.

Where did John Edwards and Rielle Hunter have their first romantic interlude? At the Loews Regency Hotel on Park Avenue, which happens to be one of Edwards favorite hotels in town. (We're guessing, however, that the hotel's owner, Jonathan Tisch, won't be including this little fact in the official hotel brochure in the near future.) But Edwards isn't the only married man who picked the five-star property to carry on behind his wife's back. In 1997, former football star Frank Gifford—the husband of Kathie Lee—bedded nude model Suzan Johnson in suite 521. (Gifford later claimed a tabloid had set him up.) After the jump, a few of the hotels where some of the rich and powerful have cheated on their wives, stashed their goomahs, and/or ran up a huge mini-bar bill.