On last night's episode of Oprah Where Are They Now, comedy's red-headed stepchild, the prop-schticked Carrot Top, ran us through his upkeep regime, and in the process asked us to excuse his beauty.

"No Vegas experience would be complete without seeing the Entertainment Capital of the World's funniest resident headliner, Carrot Top," according to a news story on the home page of America's third-largest newspaper this morning.

Las Vegas magazine was reading your mind when you thought, "That Carrot Top. A handsome face hiding behind a mop of unruly hair." Well, feast your eyes on this! Christina Hendricks and Julianne Moore, eat your hearts out. [LV Sun]

Today at Gawker.TV, Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon are a couple of iceholes, Louis CK finds his religion, Cee-Lo Green releases an official video for his new hit single, and Kate Hudson and Rachel Zoe are suddenly best friends.

While Michael Douglas and David Letterman discussed throat cancer, Jay Leno had Kim Kardashian on The Tonight Show to apply makeup to Carrot Top. Given the individuals involved, it is almost shocking how slowly they start making the obvious jokes.

[Carrot Top and two others at a 50th anniversary Playboy party in Playboy land in Las Vegas; Image via Splash]

Jay Leno has become the most hated comedian in America. But he's not the only one! These comedians are also hated because they're unoriginal, obnoxious, and out of touch. But one theme ties them all together: they're not funny.

Furrier, social fixture, and permanent PETA target Dennis Basso turns 55 today. Téa Leoni is turning 43. Chelsea Handler is 34. Reclusive billionaire hedge fund manager Bruce Kovner is 64. Longtime CBS newsman Bob Schieffer is turning 72. Access Hollywood's Nancy O'Dell is 43. Actress Rashida Jones is turning 33. Actor Sean Astin is 38. Julio Iglesias, Jr., the son of Julio and brother of Enrique, is turning 36. Sally Jesse Raphael is 74. And Carrot Top turns 44 today.

Tina Fey and Peter Dinklage filming scenes for 30 Rock outside NBC studios ... Whitney Port walking on the Bowery with Jay Lyon ... Blake Lively carrying her dog on the set of Gossip Girl ... Sarah Vowell standing outside the Letterman show ... Tom Cruise leaving an office building in SoHo with Katie Holmes and Suri ... Brooke Shields on the set of Lipstick Jungle ... Anne Hathaway showing up at the SNL after-party at McCormick & Schmick ... and Carrot Top and his girlfriend arriving at LaGuardia.

One time successful prop comedian Carrot Top has traded in the suitcase of props in for a position as a mall security guard. More specifically, Carrot Top's new beat covers the Third Street Promenade's Abercombie & Fitch. As The Top explained, his rationale for making the move into security was two-fold:
1) It makes full use of his muscles
2) He gets paid exclusively in polo shirts and cargo shorts

Longtime readers of Defamer know that we like nothing better than to break up the day with a dip into the Defamer Connections basket. This is L.A., however, where every taste and mathematical combination must be accounted for in the worthwhile pursuit of getting one's freak on, and thus requiring us to sometimes stretch the definition and who and what, exactly, constitutes a "connection." Which brings us to today's installment, via Craigslist:

Carrot Top, the real-world Batman villain created when a mild-mannered comic fell into a vat of radioactive toxic sewage at the Acme Oversized Props factory, was captured coming out of Fred Segal yesterday by TMZ cameras. They caught him again later that night with a massively bemeloned woman on his arm, providing onlookers a bounty of huge produce the likes of which one can typically only find at a Blue Ribbon presentation ceremony of the County Fair.

The time: 4 p.m.

The date: September 27th

The place: 7th Avenue at 54th Street

Sighted: "Just saw Carrot Top buying a salad at the corner of 54th and 7th. Totally knew just from the back of his head that it was him, then confirmed by passing him. Vastly overgroomed eyebrows, huge muscles—looks like a real-life cartoon character!"

Once the bleeding in our eyeballs subsided after having a look at That Which We Wish We'd Never Seen, it started to bother us that we couldn't quite put our finger on whom the prop comic eerily resembles. We can rest easy now. [Blowing Smoke]