ABC yanks both the stillborn Day Break and Nielsen bed-Shatter Show Me The Money from its airwaves, spackling episodes of America's Funniest Home Videos, According to Jim, and George Lopez into the resulting cracks in their schedule. [Variety]
Bob Yari picks another Oscar season battle, this one with Warner Brothers over their lack of support (quotable gripe: "Someone up there wants the film buried.") for The Painted Veil. [THR]
Judith Regan's late Friday firing from HarperCollins, ostensibly over the PR shitstorms caused be her O.J. hypothetical murder confession book and Mickey Mantle sex novel, leaves the media with many questions regarding the ownership of certain properties, as well as the future of the ReganBooks imprint. [Variety]
The Survivor: Cook Islands finale gives CBS a Sunday night ratings win over football and Christmas specials on competing networks. Unfortunately, we missed the show and have no idea which race finally proved its superiority in building boats out of driftwood and tolerating Jeff Probst's smarmy presence. [THR]
· USA Network beats other basic cable networks for the rights to Casino Royale with a $20 million offer, with Spike eventually bowing out because it ultimately "felt a little gay" bidding up a movie in which James Bond repeatedly doffs his shirt to show off his abs. [Variety]

Fox orders eight episodes of the Mark Burnett game show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Unfortunately, the competition won't pit adults against school kids, just ask them questions from fifth grade textbooks. The children will, however, be on hand as lifelines and to remind their elders how stupid they've become in their dotage, a decreased mental capacity probably resulting from watching the network's brain-smoothing reality TV programming. [Variety]
Frequent Academy Award nominee (but zero-time winner) Ennio Morricone will receive an honorary Oscar for his legendary score-composing work, a recognition the Academy hopes will make up for decades of painful snubs. [THR]
Johnny Depp's shingle goes on an acquisition spree, buying up the film rights to three books and hiring writer D.V. DeVincentis to adapt Nick Hornby's lighthearted suicide novel, A Long Way Down. [Variety]
The Devil Wears Prada actress and Texas fright wig model Anne Hathaway enters the supernatural thriller part of her career, signing up to star in Passengers, the story of a grief counselor to whom freaky, Sarah Michelle Gellar-level shit inevitably happens. [THR]
Film production company Bauer Martinez celebrates the holidays by laying off 20 percent of its staff, citing the recent bombing of their Van Wilder sequel and Harsh Times as reasons for the Yuletide firings. Merry Christmas, new job hunters! [Variety]

Julia Roberts will produce and possibly star in an adaptation of the Lolly Winston novel Happiness Sold Separately, about a suburban wife whose husband, forgetting that he's married to Julia Roberts (perhaps things will be complicated by the character's mousy hairstyle, clunky glasses, and dowdy wardrobe), starts banging the nutritionist at his gym. [Variety]
· Comedy Central signs away another part of its soul to the blue-collared comedy devil, ordering a half-hour animated pilot about Larry the Cable Guy's wacky misadventures as the co-owner of a cable TV station. [THR]
· Meanwhile, Nickelodeon tries to counteract corporate sibling Comedy Central's development evil by greenlighting a new animated series starring SNL's Amy Poehler, Mighty B, about an adorably psychotic 10-year-old Honeybee scout. [THR]
Producers Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Jason Blum buy the film rights to an upcoming Vanity Fair article about the CIA, The Shop; no word on if VF editor Graydon Carter will earn a producing fee for once musing to himself while staring out his office window that the story would make a great movie. [Variety]
Dan Mazer, longtime Sacha Baron Cohen partner-in-crime, is officially inducted into Hollywood's Comedy Mafia by making a deal to write and direct a Judd Apatow-produced, "broad, out-there" comedy for Universal. Bonus soundbite: Mazer marvels that Cohen's dangling of "his testicles in another man's face" has not disqualified him from Oscar consideration. [Variety]

Prince will headline the Super Bowl halftime show; broadcaster CBS has pledged to take every precaution necessary to ensure that the rocker will not try and top Janet Jackson's infamous nipple-display by having one of his background singers yank off his codpiece, revealing that his penis is barely covered by purple junk-armor. [Variety]
Columbia Pictures acquires the rights to 1930's pulp hero The Shadow for Sam Raimi to produce, hoping that by the time a film is eventually released, people will have completely forgotten about the disastrous 1994 version starring Alec Baldwin. [THR]
Steven Spielberg is actively developing two drama series at Fox via his DreamWorks TV label, including one set in the world of fashion written by Ed Burns and wife Christy Turlington. Given Turlington's experience in that industry, it's unclear how the duo will split up the scripting and "just sitting there and looking pretty" duties. [Variety]
· CAA, obviously still disoriented from the recent, baffling defections of Kate Hudson and Hugh Grant, agrees to take on Christian Slater as a client. [THR]
· Unlike other Europeans, Spaniards haven't fallen in love with Sacha Baron Cohen, rejecting both Borat and Da Ali G show. [Variety]

Var on the recent layoffs at THR: cost-cutting newsroom pinkslips, executive axings. THR on the THR layoffs: Exciting new opportunities for promotion from within! [Variety, THR]
Sony Pictures hits the $3 billion box office mark this year (thanks, Da Vinci Code!), a milestone only achieved by other studios three times in the past three years. [THR]
ABC makes a deal with producer Phil Gurin to adapt the German game show Wetten das...? (Wanna Bet? for American audiences, immediately begins its search for a desperate actor whose popularity peaked two decades ago to host. [Variety]
· Andrew "Andre 3000" Benjamin signs on for 1970s basketball comedy Semi-Pro, in which he will battle Will Ferrell to see who can grow the most comically exaggerated Afro. [THR]
Peter Bart discusses where the entertainment industry is heading. His conclusion? We don't know, we stopped reading after the third paragraph. It's Friday, and we really can't handle a glimpse into the future. [Variety]

The National Board of Review makes the first official penetration of the awards season orgy, naming Letters from Iwo Jima best film, Martin Scorcese best director, Forest Whitaker and Helen Mirren best actors, and Volver best foreign film. Brace yourself for the imminent deluge of awards and nominations announcements that may or may not have anything to do with a film's Oscar chances over the coming weeks. [Variety]
The Grammy nominations are out! And? These are probably the only words we're going to write about them: Mary J. Blige, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Justin Timberlake are all multiple nominees. [THR/Billboard
At yesterday's HRTS luncheon, showrunners of scripted programming gathered together to bitch about reality television and the absurdity of network censorship guidelines concerning the number of pelvic thrusts one may display during sci-fi show sex scenes. (Answer: as many as you can squeeze in without depicting "rhythmic sex.") [Variety]
· This article about the five actors who've joined Paul Haggis' next directoring effort, In the Valley of Elah/The Untitled Paul Haggis Project, makes absolutely no mention of Crash or its Oscar victory. For a very happy moment, we allowed ourselves to believe the win was just a very bad dream. And yes, we're still carrying around that pain. [THR]
Imagine's Brian Grazer chooses Spike Lee as the directorial vessel through which the superproducer can explore the L.A. riots in dramatic form, signing on to produce L.A. Riots for Universal. Negotiations are ongoing as to whether he can convince his director to bill the movie as "A Brian Grazer (with Spike Lee) Joint." [Variety]

Two people have been arrested for stealing an Academy member's awards screeners and illegally posting them online. The DA has yet to file charges, but is expected to ultimately deny the MPAA's request that the pirates be summarily stabbed in the kidneys and left to bleed to death on the sidewalk in front of the Kodak Theatre. [Variety]
ABC shuffles its Wednesday schedule, sacrificing new comedies Knights of Prosperity and In Case of Emergency to the Nielsen gods by putting them up against the return of American Idol, hoping that better-loved hit Lost might be spared their wrath in its new 10 pm timeslot. [THR]
George Clooney's production company tries to help re-ignite Hollywood's stalled love affair with legal thriller typist John Grisham, buying the movie rights to produce the book The Innocent Man: Murder and Justice in a Small Town for Warner Independent. [Variety]
The IATSE/WGA feud over reality jobs heats up, as IATSE president Thomas Short accuses the WGA of "irresponsibility and incompetence" for delaying producer talks. Only nine more months left of bickering over accusations of Guild posturing and de facto studio work stoppages! Enjoy them while they last. [THR]
The week in ratings: NBC takes the weekly 18-49 demo victory, The CW posts its strongest numbers yet, ABC has the week's most watched show, CBS remains the overall most watched network, and Fox is just happy they're not being beaten by Telemundo. [Variety]

WGA West President Patric Verrone defends the organization's decision to delay contract renewal talks with studios, deflecting accusations of saber-rattling with counter-saber-rattling-accusations about the Alliance of Motion Picture & Television Producers' threats to accelerate production and stockpile scripts if the Guild doesn't immediately do their bidding. [Variety]
America's Next Top Model moves closer to being completely unionized; unfortunately, it's not the union their recently fired writers were hoping for. [THR]
Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsey signs on to star in the romantic comedy Made of Honor, in what will be an ultimately futile attempt to recapture the big-screen stardom he achieved as Loverboy's gigolo pizza delivery guy. [Variety]
· July 2006 Disney shitcanee Nina Jacobson signs a three-year producing deal with DreamWorks, who promise never to fire her while she's in a hospital delivery room, witnessing the miracle of life. [THR]
It's the usual Monday night Nielsen drill for NBC: viewers tune in for people shouting at briefcases, stick around to watch indestructible cheerleaders, then flip to another channel before 10 pm momentum stopper Studio 60 has a chance to capture their hearts with a monologue about the absurdity of FCC fines. [Variety]

Disney announces that it lay off 160 employees from their feature animation unit (Pixar workers are safe) in the next couple of weeks, generously offering newly superfluous employees an opportunity to spend much more time with their families during the holidays. [Variety]
Comedy Central orders six episodes of the Amp'd Mobile-originated animated comedy series Lil' Bush: Resident of the United States, a move that will surely send basic cable copycats scrambling to misguidedly snatch up the rights to whatever wallpapers and ringtones they find on their children's cellphones. [THR]
Foreign audiences once again prove they're not interested in seeing any film (not even the one with the rats going down the toilet!) but Casino Royale, which takes the international box office crown with $44.7 million, raising its worldwide total to $312.4 million. [Variety]
CBS extends David Letterman's contract through 2010, ensuring that Letterman will remain on the air longer than Jay Leno, who will be replaced on the The Tonight Show by Conan O'Brien in 2009 unless he discovers a way to quietly dispose of his youthful usurper. [THR/AP]
· Kevin Spacey finds a leading man for his MIT card-counting pet project 21, relative unknown Jim Sturgess. Spacey will produce, and may opt to play the lead's mentor himself. Please, no "Spacey mentors up-and-coming actor" jokes. You're far too classy for that. [Variety]

NBC demonstrates its ongoing commitment to struggling, behind-the-scenes- at-sketch-comedy-show programming, picking up 30 Rock for a full season after last night's ratings spike. [Variety]
The Office's John Krasinski join George Clooney in the romantic comedy Leatherheads, in which the two stars try to convince audiences that Renee Zellweger is sexually desirable enough to fight over. [THR]
Columbia and Scott Rudin acquire the screen rights to a still-unpublished "new take" on Cleopatra by biographer Stacy Schiff and producer Scott Rudin. Even though the book centers on Cleopatra as a "a firm ruler and military tactician" rather than as a sexbomb seductress, we wouldn't be surprised if the studio quickly determines that Angelina Jolie is "firm rulerish and tactician-y enough" to send out a big offer. [Variety]
Grey's Anatomy leads ABC to a Thursday night ratings win against the token resistance of CBS's CSI rerun. In other news, no one is watching The OC anymore. [THR]
· The Producers Guild will give Jerry Bruckheimer their Norman Lear Achievement Award in Television, celebrating the superproducer's unparalleled ability to land procedural after procedural on CBS's primetime schedule. [Variety]

Hollywood Out Of Ideas, Now They're Really, Really Out Of Ideas, We Mean It This Time Edition: Paramount, Eddie Murphy, and producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura will work closely to "reinvigorate" and "update" the Beverly Hills Cop franchise. We expect that Paramount will immediately hire Moby to re-record the "Axel F" theme, put in a call to Josh Hartnett's people to gauge his interest in being "the next Judge Reinhold," and deposit $30 million in Murphy's bank account to prove to the star how important retaining the integrity of the franchise is to them. [Variety]
Warner Bros. signs up George Clooney to star in and produce an adaptation of the James Ellroy novel White Jazz and to direct the heist flick The Belmont Boys, and in return for his involvement in these more creatively satisfying projects, Clooney has agreed to appear in Ocean's Fourteen through Twenty-Eight for the studio. Under this latest art-for-commerce swap, should Clooney expire or lose his Old Hollywood good looks before the production of the latter sequels, Warner Bros. has the right to use a digital recreation of the actor to complete his commitment. [THR]
Disney's screening Apocalypto for just about every group that might be remotely interested in the film (even the media!), hoping that the public will forget about Mel Gibson's interesting, tequila-amplified thoughts on Jews and judge the films on its own, Mayan-talkin', graphically violent merits. [Variety]
Facelift enthusiast Meg Ryan now officially unrecognizable enough to play a thinly veiled Carrie Fisher. [THR]
· On the last day of November sweeps, ABC discovers that Show Me the Money and Day Break are pretty poor substitutes for Dancing with the Stars and Lost. [Variety]

Production has already begun on CBS's latest foray into the "marginal celebrities performing activities for which they're hilariously ill-suited" genre of reality TV, Armed and Famous, in which Erik "Hey, I Once Played A Motorcycle Cop!" Estrada, LaToya Jackson, Jack Osborne, and Wee Man will train to become gun-toting members of the Muncie, Indiana police force. We expect that reports of Muncie's first parking ticket-related fatal shooting will soon surface. [Variety]
House pulls in its best ratings since its season premiere, crushing the debut of ABC's new comedy, Big Day, which stars that guy from all those short-lived sitcoms whose name we can never remember. [THR]
Universal casts Martin Lawrence in the Malcolm Lee comedy The Better Man, a project that strips him of the acting crutch represented by the latex fat suits he's recently relied on to portray the titular character in Big Momma's House 2 and John Travolta in Wild Hogs. [Variety]
According to a USC study, parents think their kids are online too much, robbing them of the vital life experiences provided by the rainbow parties their internet usage is causing them to miss out on. [THR]
The Real World's ratings are off 53 percent from last season, indicating that basic cable audiences might finally be tired of watching drunk assholes scream at each other while living rent-free in lavishly decorated apartments. Even if these discouraging results makes MTV give up on the series, we hope they continue on with Real World/Road Rules Challenge, as drunk assholes screaming at each other while bungie jumping off hot air balloons floating over active volcanos still has some entertainment value. [Variety]

Nominations for the Independent Spirit Awards, the annual celebration of films largely released by the somewhat less corporate-seeming arms of huge multimedia conglomerates, have been announced, with Little Miss Sunshine and Half Nelson both receiving five nods. [Variety]
Anna Faris will take a break from being bopped in the head in Scary Movie sequels by starring in the "farcical sci-fi comedy" Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel. [THR]
Heroes and Deal or No Deal win the 18-49 demographic for NBC Monday night, while Studio 60's uplifting episode about how tragic murder-suicides can interfere with the production of a live sketch comedy show (which anonymous internet poster Dilbert27 called "a heavy-handed treatment of already ill-chosen subject matter") fails to draw the expected droves of new viewers to the series. [Variety]
The Alliance of Motion Picture & Television Producers lead negotiator is "shocked and dismayed" that the WGA refuses to surrender their strike leverage by entering negotiations on the studios' timetable. [THR]
The Hollywood Foreign Press puts Apocalypto and Letters From Iwo Jima on the Golden Globes shortlist for Best Foreign Language film, even though neither is eligible for an Oscar in that category. Oh, conflicting awards show rules, why must you be so confusing? [Variety]

Fox News Channel plans on supplementing its regular, round-the-clock fake news coverage with a still-untitled "Daily Show for conservatives," which the network hopes will finally provide them with a much-needed forum for taking shots at liberals. Next on the FNC development slate-of-mirrors: a Colbert Report knock-off starring a comically delusional blowhard. [Variety]
Nielsen studies iPod users' viewing habits, discovers that most people don't use their devices to watch video downloads, perhaps finding the experience of squinting through an episode of Lost on a three-inch screen not as desirable as Apple had once hoped. [THR]
· Var reports on how your favorite supermodels (Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, Padma Lakshmi) have overcome their perfect genes and fabulous racks to find great success hosting popular television shows. [Variety]
Fox Searchlight picks up the dark comedy Bonzai Shadowhands, which Rainn Wilson is writing as a starring vehicle for himself in which he'll play "a once-great ninja living a life of mediocrity." Whatever they gave him, he deserves three million more. [THR]
Imprisoned P.I. Anthony Pellicano writes a "guest column" for Variety (if your definition of guest column is reprinting an excerpt from a book of essays) "stating his case." But unlike OJ Simpson, he seems unwilling to go the "If I wanted to conduct illegal wiretaps of various Hollywood figures, this is how I would have done it" route, seriously reducing the piece's news value. [Variety]

Variety's Peter Bart, himself once the "nominal" head of United Artists, offers Tom Cruise some unsolicited career advice. Among the tips: Nurture maverick talent. Also: Shut the hell up about the Scientology stuff, and act like the nice Quakers and Mormons who don't shove their religions in Bart's face. [Variety]
Casino Royale shatters the first-day UK box office record for Bond films, bringing in a record $3.2 million. [THR]
· Meanwhile, China's censorship board approves Royale for release, despite fears that the repeated display of Daniel Craig's unclothed torso might cause an unwanted spike in birth rates. [Variety]
· And in former Bond news, Pierce Brosnan takes another spy-related gig, Spy vs Stu, in which he'll play a "handsome, debonair" secret agent out to steal the girlfriend of a fellow vacationer. [THR]
· Hollywood insiders are skeptical that Phillip Morris is sincere in taking out ads in the trades begging studios not to use their cigarette brands in movies, no matter how cool actors look while marketing their tobacco products to a new generation of potential smokers. [Variety]

Comcast pulls the plug on its talks with Al Jazeera International, effectively putting an end to the network's hopes of getting U.S. distribution in time for the worldwide launch of their English-language channel on Wednesday. [Variety]
· Studio 60 ticks up slightly in the ratings, improving to 7.8 million upscale, affluent viewers from last week's count of 7.7 million, a gain that will have NBC considering whether or not to order another five seasons to reward the public's obvious recognition of their faith in the show. Meanwhile, showrunner Aaron Sorkin hopes that now the series is off its deathwatch, people will stop obsessing over the numbers and the fact that he's the person behind the aggressively unfunny in-show sketches that are driving his critics crazy. [THR, THR]
Virgin Comics will adapt its "The Sadhu" for film, with Nick Cage starring and Deepak Chopra writing the script. He's a screenwriter now? We must be really out of touch with the Hollywood ambitions of spiritual gurus these days. [Variety]
Executive tag-teams are the hottest trend in studio management. Read the touching story of how months of trust-falls and a renewed commitment to honest communication led Sony's Matt Tolmach and Doug Belgrad to finally embrace their roles as studio life-partners. [THR]
Chinese TV censors make vague, menacing threats to "severely punish" vulgar and immoral content, announcing that they intend to make "secret inquiries" to discover the broadcast of prohibited programming, an oppressive pilot censorship program expected to eventually be adopted by the FCC. [Variety]

The studios are jamming 65 releases down audiences' throats between Nov. 17th and the New Year, hoping to establish favorable awards season position and reap quick profits from a barrage of holiday-themed movies. [Variety]
For those who think Neil Patrick Harris and T.R. Knight's coming out announcements were progress, the THR cautions to wait and see what happens when a Rock Hudson-type steps out of the closet, instead of Doogie and a guy who's "practically one of the girls on Grey's." [THR]
Fox is shy about using the word "canceled" to describe Justice, instead preferring the gentler "pulled from the schedule, never to be seen again, except for possibly on tiny TV sets on budget-fare Eastern European airlines." Meanwhile, ABC gives What About Brian a full season pick-up. [Variety]
Heads have finally started to roll for NBCUni's "Layoffs 2.0" initiative, with about 15 Dateline NBC staffers sacrificing their paychecks to the company's bottom line. [THR]
Two best friends go batshit insane when they pick the same wedding date, starring Kate Hudson. That's pretty much all you need to know. [Variety]

The entertainment industry is predictably enthusiastic about the Democratic gains in this week's elections, especially MPAA head Dan Glickman, who expects that his organization's agenda will be immediately adopted by the Hollywood-loving, liberal legislators that now control Congress. [Variety]
ABC wins Wednesday with Dancing with the Stars and Lost, while a special Wednesday night airing of The OC doesn't manage to improve on last week's "horrible start." We suggest more cagefighting with Chino. [THR]
Call it a "vote of confidence" or "a desperate move to save a poorly rated show," but ABC is moving Men in Trees to the well-protected post-Grey's Anatomy timeslot on Thursday nights. [Variety]
Time Warner pulls out of China, searches for a more hospitable place in which to insert its throbbing cinema operations. Yeah, we're not proud of that one, but it is what it is. [THR]
Believing that American Idol also-ran Kellie Pickler's adorable inability to pronounce the words "calamari" and "salmon" is sufficient evidence of comedic talent, Fox is now developing a sitcom to take better advantage of her photogenic bimbitude. [Variety]

Smelling money all over him in the aftermath of The Departed's success, Brad Grey lures Martin Scorcese into a four-year deal with Paramount, which includes the unique provision that the 'Mount can own half of any movie the director does for another studio while still retaining 100 percent of his soul. [Variety]
· Lindsay Lohan parlays her significant real-life experience of playing a victim on a variety of talk shows into a role portraying a more dramatic kind of victimhood in the psychological thriller I Know Who Killed Me. [THR]
After the firing of striking America's Next Top Model story editors, the WGA files unfair labor practice charges against Executive Producer Ken Mok's Anisa productions with the National Labor Relations Board. The Guild calls the action strike-breaking, while Mok claims that once they figured out how to force their IATSE-unionized editors to make their cast of skinny models seem remotely interesting, having writers around just seemed silly and wasteful. [Variety]
The FCC asserts that Hollywood can't say "fuck" and "shit" on the public airwaves whenever it wants, even when those words are mouthed by Cher and Nicole Richie at awards shows nobody cares about. [THR]
· Chastened by the historic fuck-ups of 2000 and 2004, the networks showed a new hesitancy to incorrectly project last night's election results. [Variety]

Because Steven Soderbergh's Che Guevara biopic jones couldn't possibly be satisfied by directing just a single film, he's doing two, The Argentine and Guerilla, with Benicio del Toro as the title character whose image you've long admired on the T-shirt racks of Urban Outfitters. [Variety]
Friday Night Lights easily outperforms the "ratings troubled" Studio 60 during its (alleged) one-week tryout in Studio's Monday night timeslot (with an episode titled "GIT'ER DONE," no less—is there no end to Aaron Sorkin's pain?). Draw whatever dire conclusions you wish about the fate of 60 based on this result, but know that at least NBC's online schedulers are still optimistic about the series' prospects of returning next week. [THR]
Wondering where your hilarious collection of Daily Show and Colbert Report YouTube clips have disappeared to? Ask Viacom, the company that isn't particularly interested in your enthusiasm for sharing your favorite moments from its shows. [Variety]
· The National Labor Relations Board issues a complaint against the Writers Guild for telling TV writer-producers not to cooperate with NBC Universal TV Studios' demands to produce webisodes until the studio agrees to start paying residuals. The Guild insists it's done nothing wrong, while NBC Uni is pleased by the NLRB's initial support of their desire to squeeze free work from their writing staffs. [THR]
Lindsay Lohan gets another chance to impress a new crew and co-stars with her professionalism, joining Keira Knightley in The Best Time of Our Lives, the story of Dylan Thomas' relationship with his wacky, gun-and-grenade-wielding friends. [Variety]