A Virginia man was awarded $500,000 in a defamation and medical malpractice suit after he caught his anesthesiologist openly insulting him and mocking his penis while he was knocked out for a colonoscopy, the Washington Post reports. The patient had set his phone to record so he wouldn’t miss the doctor’s post-op instructions, but ended up taping medical staff joking that a rash on his dick was “probably tuberculosis in the penis” or “penis ebola.”

First, these guys thought it would be a smart move to attempt to rob a Super 8 Motel. Second, without any weapons of this century at their disposal, they used a musket. Spoiler alert: they left without any cash.

Times are grim in urban America. And, as one would expect, hard times lead to teenagers trying to shoplift entire turkeys by shoving them down their pants and "waddling" out of stores, nonchalantly. Thank god for surveillance cameras.

Not to disturb your slumber, sheeple, but a massive spherical fireball lit up the skies across the Midwestern US last night. It emitted a sonic boom, and broke into pieces. This was a "meteor," according to government agents. Mmm. [CNN]

I don't know what's grosser here: The gleeful pervert grinning at ultimate fighter and former Fear Factor host Joe Rogan, or that Joe uses a soundtrack of pig snorts, whips, and the phrase "Ride 'em cowboy" for this video.

Simply reinforcing our long-held theory that anyone who works in Hollywood—regardless of age, gender, or genitalia size—has at least one gay porn credit buried somewhere in their resumes, it's been brought to our attention that a boldface name in yesterday's Trade Roundup also got his start in this town's storied sausage factory circuit. Find out who after the jump: