Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

A 5,000-year-old skeleton was discovered in a Prague suburb, and archaeologists have declared him to be the first known "gay caveman" in history. That's because he was still wearing a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses. No, just kidding — it's because of how he was buried.

Analysis of cave paintings in Spain and Algeria has led some researchers to believe that human beings have been discovering the unified nature of consciousness for at least 6,000 years in Europe, and as many as 9,000 years elsewhere.

Italian paleoanthopologist Marco Peresani found a bunch of bird bones in the "Grotto of Smoke," a site known for being "loaded with Neanderthal bones." And he's got a theory: They wore them! As accessories! Fashion!!

Scientists have discovered bits of cooked plants in the teeth of Neanderthals, contradicting the conventional wisdom that they only ate meat, and proving that the hominids hadn't yet developed sophisticated toothpick technology.

Are you familiar with "hobbits," or Homo florsiensis, the wee, extinct human species thought to have lived tens of thousands of years ago? Are you aware that they might have been hunted and eaten by enormous, six-foot-tall storks?

We once made fun of "Paleos," the "small New York subculture whose members seek good health through a selective return to the habits of their Paleolithic ancestors." But, by God, Dutch food conglomerate 'Unilever' is doing the same thing!

ABC Entertainment President Steve McPherson—the guy responsible for Cavemen—has resigned, to be replaced by ABC Family's Paul Lee.

Ah, the early 2000s. The economy kinda worked, trucker hats were fashionable and Justin Bieber wasn't yet old enough to make music. It would have been a fun decade, if we didn't have to endure the following awful TV shows.

Scientists working on sequencing the Neanderthal genome have discovered that 1 to 4 percent of most people's DNA is inherited from Neanderthals, proving that even back then most people were sluts who would really just sleep with whoever. [CSM]

This week's Sunday Styles is working a strong theme on food's frontlines: time, like an episode of Lost, is in flux! Because there are some some among us who are eating like OLDS, and some who are eating like cavemen.

· The story we could just never seem to wrap our heads around—that of Sean Avery, former New York Rangers player and Vogue (for women) fashion intern—will perhaps reveal its mysteries in New Line's movie about his slapshot-fabulous life. (Hey—Slapshot Fabulous! There's your title!) [THR] · More online-incubated series pickups: CBS ordered We Need Girlfriends, based on the YouTube series of the same name, and put the Cavemen team of Bill Martin and Mike Schiff in charge. [Variety] · So we can't have an Arrested Development movie, but we can have a Blue Man Group movie? Where is the justice? (And Tobias is available for readings.) [Variety] · David Strathairn, Alan Alda, Jeff Daniels, Mary-Louise Parker and Paul Rudd have joined the cast of Howl, which already stars James Franco in yet another movie based on the life of a famous American Gay. (Keep it coming, Franco!) [THR] · Amanda Seyfriend and Channing Tatum will play star-crossed, wartime lovers in Dear John, based on a book by the same author as The Notebook. We understand that there's only a nominal amount of stepping-up involved. [Variety]

· On second thought, maybe a strike won't be that bad. Who wouldn't like to see the cast of Cavemen singing "Wooly Booly"?
· And speaking of cavemen, here are instructions on how to make your own insurance-hawking Neanderthal costume, just in time for the day after Halloween.
· Get ready for a world-rocking nerdgasm: The original cast of MST3K is reuniting for Cinematic Titanic, a new project that will involve the creative savaging of bad movies.
·RIP, NBC's DotComedy.
· Owen Wilson can't even pee with the stall door open anymore without his publicist having to make a statement.

· Why does it take the threat of a strike for people to start cranking out the truly genius ideas? Fox has ordered a script that could generate a Prison Break spin-off set in a women's penitentiary, a project that would be perfect for Michelle Rodriguez once she concludes some previous obligations. [THR]
· ABC's Cavemen inches ever closer to joining Viva Laughlin in the Fall season's "bold TV experiments canceled too soon to see how terrible they could eventually become" club, drawing its lowest key demo ratings to date. Somewhere, Hugh Jackman's wife sheds a tear in sympathy. [Variety]

· Showing a Baueresque level of self-sacrifice, Kiefer Sutherland takes one for his TV team, pleading out to 48 days of jail time that can be served on a two-stint schedule that won't interrupt the shooting of 24, even though he probably could have served fewer days if he'd opted for a consecutive sentence. If eighteen months of being tortured by the Chinese couldn't break him, seven weeks should be a breeze. [THR]
· After putting up "solid" premiere numbers, ABC's bold Cavemen experiment falters, dropping off 25 percent in its second week. Enjoy your lovable, squash-playing, Swedish-furniture-hawking Neanderthals while you still can. [Variety]

As it turns out, ABC knew exactly what it was doing when it decided not to let the media get an advance look at the Cavemen premiere, a strategy that forestalled the show's critical bludgeoning until after it aired. [Metacritic]

With a controversy-shy ABC having retooled all of the potentially inflammatory, racial-allegory material out of the version of Cavemen that finally debuted last night, the show was forced to generate edgy laughs by having its put-upon Neanderthals participate in activities for which primitive Man would seem hilariously ill-suited, like selling futons at a fictionalized Ikea, participating in a round of Wii golf following a shopping spree, and playing squash in country club-quality outfits that would cause them to surrender whatever small amount of cave-cred they had left. We'll let you be the judge of how effective they were in the squash scene, but we'll admit that by the fifth or so time we had to listen to the Andy and Joel characters whine about their relationships, we thought we were just watching a version of Tell Me You Love Me with more unsightly body hair and less fucking.

· Oh, Johnny Drama, you're so much better than this: Kevin Dillon will star in the 300 spoof National Lampoon's 301: The Legend of Awesomest Maximus Wallace Leonidas. Will someone please book him for some personal appearances and save him from this kind of strike-insurance slumming? [Variety]
· Cavemen's overhauled series premiere "performed OK" in the Tuesday night Nielsens, while House lead Fox to victory in primetime. [THR]
· Natalie Portman joins the cast of the remake of the Danish love-triangle drama Brothers, in which she'll play the sister-in-law boinked by dreamy-eyed homewrecker Jake Gyllenhaal while sleepy-eyed soldier Tobey Maguire is off fighting in Afghanistan. [Variety]

Even though the network might not want critics to have advance access to its retooled Cavemen premiere (weirdly, as we typed those words, we could've sworn we heard Peter Krause whispering from the sidebar, "The comedy that has everyone talking debuts at 8 p.m. tonight , only on ABC"), they realize the importance of making sure that awareness of the show is high among audiences who expect intellectual engagement from their television programming.

Is ABC not sending out advance screeners of the primitively retooled Cavemen to critics because the network doesn't have any confidence in their product? Of course not! "'They're not ready,' the spokesman said. 'They want the "finishing touches" completed before critics take a peek, and that won't happen before the premiere. 'That's all there is to it.'" And if critics don't get a chance to depress Tuesday's debut-night numbers with their silly opinions, well, that's just a bonus of the network's obsessive—and not at all suspicious—perfectionism. [LAT ShowTracker]