PHILADELPHIA — On the third night of the Democratic National Convention, the parties were empty. The ones I was invited to, anyway.

When you think "binge eating," caviar is probably one of the last foods that comes to mind. But hey, competitive eating doesn't just have to be about pies and hot dogs.

The beauty industry will never, ever run out of ridiculous new ingredients that allegedly have magical anti-aging, anti-blemish, anti-whatever-might-be-making-you-ugly powers. And when that ingredient has the reputation of being precious and expensive, so much the better! The substance that one cosmetics company is pretending will make your skin look better this time around? Caviar, as Joshua David Stein discovers at a press event for Pevonia Botanica, a brand which we're sure you don't need us to tell you is "spa exclusive" and "synergistically unite[s] science and nature." Caviar, you see, has the "same amino acids" as collagen, which is just as convincing as every other bit of pseudoscience in skincare ads, so who cares if you smell like a Russian breakfast?