Ho ho ho! How can we ruin your Christmas today? I know: a public service campaign that instructs men to purchase pap smears for their special women as holiday gifts.

You think that the animated holiday specials we all grew up with were just teaching you about Santa and presents and winter wonderlands? You're wrong! They were sending you hidden signals both excellent and devious. Here is the ugly truth.

CBS News has a new strategy for maximizing video virality: Slow-motion replays of their news reporters' most humiliating moments.

Or: How Dudes Living In Their Parents' Basements Became the Horatio Alger Myth of the Internet.

Oprah's shipping Lisa Erspamer, one of her most trusted producers, to L.A. to be chief creative officer of OWN: the Oprah Winfrey Network, and already some are speculating she's laying the groundwork to move her TV show to OWN, too.

Though Levi Johnston's svengali Tank Jones told us last week that he was "90% sure" Levi would bare all for Playgirl, he has officially removed that pesky 10% uncertainty. Levi will be going, um, whole hog for his upcoming shoot.

This morning the world discovered what we told you last week: Levi Johnston is working on a book to talk trash about the Palins. Little Miss Sarah found out too, and she's so steamed she's up to her old shenanigans.

• Tom McGeveran took over as editor of the Observer after Peter Kaplan made his exit this spring, but now he's headed out the door as well. [NYO]
• Layoffs: The cuts at Condé Nast continue though they should end soon; the layoffs at Forbes this week were deep ones: 1 in 4 editorial staffers were let go.
• Newsday's website erected a pay wall today. Good luck with that. [E&P]
• The Michael Jackson movie This Is It sold $2.2 million in tickets on its opening night, which is pretty good considering it was a Tuesday. [LAT, NYT]

at a memorial service held today at Lincoln Center for 60 Minutes creator Don Hewitt who died at age 86 in August, according to Broadcasting & Cable.

A Connecticut judge has unsealed the applications for search warrants for Joe Halderman, who is accused of attempting to extort David Letterman out of $2 million. Read the warrant for Halderman's house here, and for his car here.

• The Condé Nast job cuts have made their way to Anna's domain on the 12th floor of 4 Times Square: Vogue laid off six staffers today. [AllThingsD]
• More bad news for Condé: some advertisers are reportedly "jumping ship" after the recent shake-up at Brides. On the plus side, The New Yorker appears to be hiring, so you can take that as good news if you'd like. [NYP, NYO]
• Remember how the New York Times Co. was planning to sell the Boston Globe? Yea, well, NYT publisher Artie Sulz has changed his mind. [AP, BG]
• Mike Bloomberg totally approves of Bloomberg LP's decision to buy BusinessWeek. Translation: The mayor backs the decisions he, himself, makes even if he contends that he wasn't actually responsible for making them. [NYT]
• Is Bloomberg LP's acquisition of BusinessWeek part of a big, new plan to compete with the Wall Street Journal and Dow Jones? Sure seems like it. [NYT]
• Meanwhile, WSJ staffers gathered today to toast the news that the Journal has surpassed USA Today as the top-selling paper in the U.S. [Politico, E&P]
• CBS News is now "investigating" the David Letterman saga (and his employer CBS!) as part of a future story. That must be a bit awkward, huh? [NYO]

Where was CBS on that whole David Letterman affair scandal, hmmm?? Oh yea: They were airing hours upon hours Letterman's own explanations of it. Which were masterful. Now, CBS News wants to get to the bottom of it. Meh. Don't.

Firings, sell-offs, suicide stories and Joe Pesci's leftovers; It's a bummer of a day for everyone in Hollywood who is not locked into the role of James T. Kirk.

• It's been two days since Condé Nast announced plans to shut down four of its magazines, but the bad news continues to trickle in. According to some number-crunching by Newsweek, the magazine giant could see ad revenue drop by $1 billion in 2009; rumor has it additional layoffs went down today; and the decision to shutter Gourmet is still generating controversy.
• CBS execs must be breathing a sigh of relief. Despite the insane media attention focused on David Letterman's sex scandal over the past week, Late Show advertisers appear to be sticking by him. [NYT]
• TV news: NBC has canceled the cop drama Southland. And ABC is picking up three show for the full season: Modern Family, Cougar Town, and The Middle.
• A Project Runway videogame is coming to the Wii next spring. [Variety]

Joe Halderman, who is accused of attempting to extort $2 million out of David Letterman, ate lunch with a veteran Nashville homicide detective just days before he left a note demanding $2 million in Letterman's car.

• The Condé Nast shake-up continues: A day after the company shuttered four titles, it's ousted the publisher of Details. And rumor has it the Condé cuts may now "inspire" similar such moves at Hearst and Time Inc. [AdAge, NYT, NYP]
• Ruth Reichl says she was completely surprised by the news Gourmet was closing. (She says she's planning to write a book about her years there.) And Gourmet's offices have since been completely cleared out. [NYT, Gawker]
• David Letterman should apologize on his show every night. His latest mea culpa generated better ratings than anything NBC aired during primetime. [AP]
• CBS is talking to Nancy Grace about hosting a Judge Judge clone. [B&C]
• The only big media company hiring and not firing? Bloomberg LP. [Crain's]

• More on Condé Nast's decision to shut down four magazines, including Gourmet, Cookie, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride: An estimated 180 people will likely lose their jobs as part of the move, although CEO Chuck Townsend says the company has no plans to shutter any other titles. [NYO, AdAge]
• If Comcast goes ahead with a deal to take a controlling stake in NBC, Jeff Zucker, NBC Universal's CEO, may need to find a new job. [NYP]
• Don Imus' radio show debuted on Fox Business today. [WP]
• Rich Ross, the president of Disney Channels Worldwide, is taking over Walt Disney Studios; he's succeeding Dick Cook, who was ousted on Sept. 16. [NYT]
• Universal Pictures has fired chairmen Marc Shmuger and David Linde. [LAT]
• CBS has been busy ridding YouTube of David Letterman's mea culpa. [NYT]
• Zombieland was No. 1 at the box office this weekend with a $25 million take. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs dropped to second place. [Variety]
• It wasn't all bad news at Condé Nast today: The New Yorker landed its biggest ad buy since 2005 with a $1 million deal with HSBC. [Folio]

Will David Letterman ever live down the shame of being the first American to sleep with someone at work? Let's hope not! Sexxxy Letterman revelations this morning: Another fling, pictured! Dave's alleged Halderman hate rage! And, what will happen tonight?!?

CBS has been going through YouTube and its own site to erase all mention of David Letterman's sex scandal confession. We don't know why. It's not like that will make this go away. Plus, there's no stopping the internet. [Mediaite]

• Comcast denied the rumors yesterday, but it now appears the cable giant is involved in talks to take a controlling stake in NBC Universal. [NYT, NYT]
• It hasn't been smooth sailing for Jay Leno since his primetime show debuted—ratings have been slipping and the critical buzz has been lousy—but now it looks like NBC has another problem to worry about: CBS and ABC have both been actively discouraging their stars from appearing on the show. [LAT]
• Bravo reports it's developing solo series for three of its reality TV stars: Bethenny Frankel, Christian Siriano and Top Chef's Fabio Viviani. [Variety]
• Meanwhile, Logo is casting its gay version of the Real Housewives. [Gawker]
• Maybe the magazine industry isn't dead, after all: American Media plans to launch a new bridal title in early 2010 called Shapebride. [WWD]