· U.K.'s ITV and NBC are concurrently developing their own versions of the gameshow The Great American Singing Bee from producers Phil Gurin and Bob Horowitz. But how was such a brilliant concept hatched? "Horowitz 'came to me and said, "Two words: Singing bee," ' Gurin said. 'I said, "Bingo," and we began developing it.'" NBC is also expected to buy the still-undefined, bingo-related concept mentioned in the pitch duo in the coming days, which could involve people shouting at a cage full of numbered ping-pong balls and become a natural companion piece to current hit Deal or No Deal. [Variety]
· EMI makes deal with Apple to sell songs online without digital rights management protection, which will allow iTunes users to download all the copy-protection-free Coldplay songs their iPods can handle. [THR]
· Stephen King's son accepts his birthright of having his horror novel adapted into a feature film, with Neil Jordan directing and Akiva Goldman producing a movie version of Heart-Shaped Box, a spooky tale of a haunted killer suit bought on eBay. [Variety]
· While CBS wins the evening in the 18-49 demo with the NCAA tournament championship game, its final number will probably indicate it was the fourth-lowest-rated one in the last 10 years. Take that, Joakim Noah! [THR]
· MTV greenlights the Ashton Kutcher game show pilot 3 Kings, hoping that their relationship with the star won't fizzle out after Punk'd ends after its upcoming, final season. [Variety]

· Scarlett Johansson will star (with Penelope Cruz) in her third Woody Allen movie, finally cracking the top tier of the pervy director's obsessive lust-objects. [Variety]
· In announcing his attachment to new comedy project Part-Time Pirates for Fox, Click director Frank Coraci officially puts an end to an increasingly annoying era of buccaneer-positive culture: "Pirates are the original punk rockers. Politically and socially with everything going on in the world there's never been a better time than now to revive that spirit. Arrrrrrgh!" [THR]
· Tom Cruise's United Artists greenlights its second film (what, you thought Cruise wasn't serious about this pretending to run a studio thing?), getting into The Usual Suspects business by nabbing an ensemble thriller reuniting Team Soze's Bryan Singer and Chris McQuarrie. [Variety]
· Nielsen terrorist organization American Idol detonates a nuclear weapon that wipes out all television-watching life other than its nearly 30 million Tuesday night viewers. They'll truly stop at nothing to dominate their timeslot. [THR]
· CBS gets the most daytime Emmy nominations, with The Ellen DeGeneres Show squeezing out 12 nods to The View's mere 10. We blame Hasselbeck for the shortfall. [Variety]

Today's WSJ delves deeper into the decisionmaking process that led ABC to greenlight a sitcom pilot based on Geico's Easily Offended Cavemen characters, a daring move that pays homage to the runaway successes of advertising-to-TV pioneers like the California Raisins and That Talking Demon-Baby Who Gave Us A Solid Year Of Sweat-Drenched Nightmares. Disappointingly, the explanation of the project's genesis is heavy on jargon like "brand extension," "messaging clutter," and "media fragmentation," and light on more honest anecdotes involving comedy-starved network executives, smoldering crackpipes, and desperate three-day development binges that end with an exhausted VP pointing at the insurance commercial playing on a nearby television and saying, "Fuck it, let's just do a show about that":

• NBC News had always planned to can "Nightly News" exec producer John Reiss. The fact that ABC is starting to manhandle them, ratings-wise, is just a happy coincidence. [NYT]
  

Despite Post columnist Linda Stasi's impassioned plea—"Don't give this man a TV show!"—it looks as if teary Anna Nicole judge Larry Seidlin might succeed in extending his fifteen minutes. In a letter obtained by the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, CBS Saturday Early show senior producer Michael Rosen praises Seidlin's "compassion" and says he "would love to discuss ... the idea of being our judge on a new segment, 'Morning Justice.'" Well, we know that mourning justice is exactly what we'll be doing if Seidlin accepts. Hi-o! Now CBS ombudsboy Brian "Nonstopoli" Montopoli is doing his best to sink that offer from the inside—through the almighty power of his lil' blog. Ooh, the CBS producers must be quaking!

• MTV names reality TV queen to head programming. Expect lots more pimping and punking! [MediaPost]
  

• Is it just us, or do these new Us ads represent the perfect marking point for the world's fatal descent into decadence?
  

As a rule, the sequel is never quite as satisfying as the original, but this follow-up to the YouTubes sensation "Seven Minutes and Fifteen Mind-Blowing Seconds Of David Caruso One-Liners," spotlighting only the times the dialogue-devouring star supplements his patented delivery by shielding his eyes from both the punishing Miami sun and his own actorly brilliance, has its own charms: note that just before the one minute mark, we're treated to a sequence in which Caruso bolts from the frame after he's done his bit, as if anxious to remind the director, "Now that...is how you end a cold open," before heading off in dogged pursuit of another line to murder.

Quicker than a producer with dreams of made-for-TV glory can yelp, "It's Fatal Attraction meets The Right Stuff, AND...wait for it, wait for it...with adult diapers!" in a pitch room, the rights to a NY Times article about Lisa Marie Nowak story, the astronaut who recently achieved a small amount of notoriety by driving her car 900 miles while wearing the aforementioned adult undergarments to intercept a romantic rival, has been optioned by biosploitation-positive (Pope John Paul II, Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story, Murder in the Hamptons) studio Granada America, whose CEO stated the gloriously obvious in making the announcement today:

· CBS's Les Moonves agrees to a skittish Harvey Weinstein's request for a last minute edit removing the word "terrifying" from a Hannibal Rising commercial, which Weinstein apparently feared would induce mass panic in potential ticket-buyers for his film. [Variety]
· Columbia Pictures is about to pick up the script You Don't Mess with Zohan, about a Mossad agent who fakes his death to become a hairdresser in NY, from Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel and Adam Sandler. Sandler, of course, will play the blow-dryer-wielding spy. [THR]
· Tommy Mottola and Biggest Loser producer David Broome are putting together a "grittier take" on the America's Next Top Model formula for TLC starring Petra Nemcova, in which eliminated models are force-fed cocaine until their weakened hearts explode instead of sent home. [Variety]
· Following American Idol's latest Nielsen-dominating performance, Fox's desperate competitors are seriously considering having Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell killed. [THR]
· Var produces some important service journalism for its Grammy-attending readers, warning that the closure of parking lots at the Staples center will likely result in huge traffic jams and the mass inconveniencing of limo passengers. Save yourself a headache by commissioning a helicopter for the night. [Variety]

· Delays in a 24 feature script free up Kiefer Sutherland to do some non-terrorism-related work during his TV hiatus, allowing him to star in the supernatural thriller Mirrors from director Alexandre "The Hills Have Eyes" Aja. [Variety]
· OK, now we might have to start caring about Iron Man: Jeff Bridges is on board, joining Robert Downey Jr., et. al. in the cast. [THR]
· A "massive shakeup" at Discovery Networks sees the exit of a handful of top executives, but we find it impossible to care as long as the new regime promises not to fuck with Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl, the single greatest spectacle on basic cable. Whoever came up with the WaterBowlCam deserves his or her own channel to run. [Variety]
· CBS's Super Monday promotion successfully tricks viewers into thinking the Super Bowl is a two-night event, giving the network a Monday night win over strong Deal or No Deal and Heroes performances on NBC. In other ratings news, an estimated 7.2 million people watched Timothy Busfield chase around a coyote, snake, and ferret for an hour on Studio 60. [THR]
· South by Southwest reveals its film festival lineup, which will include Michael "Because I Said So" Lehmann's comedy Flakes and Judd Apatow's Knocked Up. [Variety]

It's been quite a while since we've had the occasion to lend our helpful suggestions to the casting professionals responsible for quickly filling out the talent roster for CBS's inevitable, ripped-from-the-absurdly-sensational-headlines movie of the week (quite frankly, the Law & Order crew lately has been kicking the network's ass on the exploitation front), but yesterday's arrest of Lisa Marie Nowak, the kidnappingest astronaut in NASA, begs for an immediate Sunday night telefilm treatment. (Working title: Breaking Orbit: The Lisa Marie Nowak Story.) We wholeheartedly agree with a reader's recommendation that an offer should immediately go out to Oscar nominee Toni Collette for the Novak role, who may be lured to the small screen by a gritty, yet somehow flamboyant, part requiring a crazy-love-fueled 900 mile drive to intercept a romantic rival while packing a Wile E. Coyote-quality arsenal of a wig, a trenchcoat, adult diapers, BB gun, a steel mallet, some rubber tubing, and garbage bags. As for the role of her spacefaring object of obsession, putting out a call for "a Tony Shaloub type, but cheaper" will probably do the trick for now, as securing Collette's services will probably eat up most of the casting budget.

· Pictured: Even in the post-Nipplegate era, FCC censors probably have no idea how to handle the image of a thirty-foot Prince stroking his enormous devil's cock in front of tens of millions of TV viewers.
· It looks like outraged fast food industry officials have finally caught up with Kevin Federline and sent a clear message about fucking with fry cooks on national television.
·Famous person falls down! (OK, semi-famous person.)
· Merely hanging out with Paris Hilton is now enough to qualify someone for a magazine cover shoot.

· NBC will hand over Aaron Sorkin's 10 p.m. Monday night Studio 60 timeslot to Paul Haggis' drama The Black Donnellys starting on March 5, hoping that the heavy-handed, fender-bender-loving double Oscar winner's new series will hang on to some of hit lead-in Heroes' viewers, but promises that S60 will return to their airwaves at an unspecified date. Also: 30 Rock's slot is being temporarily donated to the Conan O'Brien/Andy Richter midseason comedy Andy Barker, PI, but will be back on April 19th. [Variety]
· In case you haven't heard: Jeff Zucker's getting a nice little promotion over at NBCU 2.0. [Variety, THR]
· And in other NBC front-office news, NBC Entertainment president/scene-stealing The Office dayplayer Kevin Reilly is looking like a good bet to have his expiring contract renewed. (Actually, a very good bet, as the WSJ just reported [sub. req'd.] he's been given a new contract.) [Variety]
· Super Bowl XLI's ratings are "great but not spectacular." We suspect that the event's failure to reach "spectacular" levels was due to intense competition from the far more compelling Puppy Bowl III on Animal Planet. [THR]
· Apple (computers) and Apple Corps. (The Beatles) settle the legal dispute over their shared name, allowing for the possibility that Beatles songs might one day be hawked on iTunes. [Variety]

Up until this morning, we have managed to remain blissfully ignorant of the Tyra Banks "I Did Not Gain 40 Lbs. In Two Months" Controversy that is currently tearing apart daytime TV, as the conspicuous weight gain of talk show hosts generally falls outside of our purview (unless, of course, a rubber fat suit and hidden camera are involved). But a reader just brought us up to speed by forwarding this photo of an Opie and Anthony fan's response to some sort of radio stunt challenging their listeners to offer conspicuous public commentary on Banks' weight, which allegedly hung on the hedge outside of CBS Television City (where the Tyra Banks Show shoots) all day Sunday and was still in place as of about 9 a.m. this morning. However, given Bank's recent defiance in responding to those who might make an issue of her post-modeling figure, we wouldn't be too surprised if she allowed the sign to stay up a little longer, at least until her staff can erect a bigger one reading KISS MY FAT ASS on the building behind it.

· Studios aren't as horny as usual to pimp their event movies during the Super Bowl, preferring to spend their ad dollars on hit primetime shows instead of the year's biggest advertising orgy. But for those who change their minds, there's plenty of available space towards the end of the broadcast, when drunken football fans are less likely to pay attention to commercials. [Variety]
· More on the announcement of Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun's BermanBraun, which will either produce multimedia content or high-end kitchen appliances: leaking news about their venture forced them to come clean about their plans a few weeks early. [THR]
· Kiss finds yet another thing upon which to slap its name, planning a Kiss 4k comic book in which the band transforms from aging, whiteface-loving entrepreneurs into "world-protecting warrior spirits." [Variety]
· For reasons we might never understand, Paul Rudd consents to co-star with Seann William Scott in a comedy for Universal. [THR]
· Var invites charges of institutional anti-Sorkinism by pointing out that Studio 60 "retained less than half of its demo lead-in" in last night's Nielsen race. [Variety]

· Sundance hands out its awards, with Padre Nuestro winning the dramatic competition's grand jury prize, the John Cusack-starring Grace is Gone winning the drama audience award, and Brazilian corruption film Manda Bala (Send a Bullet) taking the documentary jury prize. [Variety]
· Will Arnett joins Will Ferrell's ABA basketball comedy Semi-Pro as a "hard-drinking sports commentator," probably reducing the chances that audiences will get to see him in knee-high tube socks and nut-hugging shorts, but increasing the chances he will appear in a mustard-colored sportsjacket while openly swigging from a whiskey bottle at courtside. [THR]
· CBS is forced to cancel Armed and Famous after American Idol's Nielsen death ray disintegrates its audience, while ABC moves fledgling Knights of Prosperity out of Idol's competition-annihilating path. [Variety]
· Night at the Museum holds off Pursuit of Happyness to continue its five-week reign atop the international box office. [THR]
· Hoping to lock up the coveted Ron Silver endorsement, Rudolph Giuliani plans to visit L.A. to raise money for his exploratory committee for a 2008 presidential run. [Variety]

· If companies like Time Warner are serious about a commitment to new media, then why can't Peter Bart get someone from TW on the phone who knows how to work his fucking TiVo? [Variety]
· In signing a new overall deal with CBS Paramount Network Television, CSI executive producer Ann Donahue reveals the softer side of CBS Corp.'s future galactic despot Les Moonves: "'Over the summer I had a family member (hospitalized) in grave condition,' Donahue said. 'Leslie, Nancy and Nina called me and not only offered their help, but they cut through a lot of red tape and saved a life. I will be at CBS for as long as they want me.'" [THR]
· NewsCorp is finalizing a deal to bring MySpace to China, but will have to make concessions to the government to bring the site in compliance with local regulations, like limiting each user to a single person in their friendspace (female friend requests must be immediately deleted) and requiring all profile comment to be approved by the Glorious Chinese Emoticon And LOL Censorship Board. [THR]
· Grey's Anatomy, which will finish the week as the number one non-Idol program on television, shows no ill Nielsen effects from the post-Globes Isaiah Washington fiasco, meaning that the slur-happy actor will probably still have a job once he completes his stint in network-ordered GayHab. [Variety]

· Mariska Hargitay and Christopher Meloni sign on for two more years of Law & Order: Sexy Victims Unit (that's what it's called, right? We get so confused.), getting pay raises that catapult them into the rarefied territory of Charlie Sheen-level remuneration. [Variety]
· Fox files a subpoena trying to uncover the identity of the scofflaw who posted entire episodes of The Simpsons and 24 on the YouTubes; if successful, parent company News Corp. will petition to have the pirate punished by being locked in a MySpace chat window with a known sexual predator to teach him (or her) a lesson about abusing the power of the internet. [THR]
· Eddie Murphy is in talks to star in the Paramount comedy NowhereLand, though it's unclear from the project's brief description where the star's contractually mandated opportunity to disappear into a latex fat suit will come. [Variety]
· The American Idol Nielsen h-bomb flattens competing network Nagasakis and incinerates the minds of 36.9 million helpless TV victims. [THR]
· Condo-hopping dealmakers compete to make thrilling Sundance acquisitions into the wee hours. [Variety]

• Apparently, there were some layoffs at Time Inc. yesterday. [NYP]