A little over a week ago, the world held its breath as beloved actor Brad Pitt checked himself into Cedars Sinai with mysterious flu-like symptoms. Most of us exhaled when Pitt was discharged a mere day later with a publicist-endorsed diagnosis of "viral meningitis," but reflexively distrustful of any words originating from a public relations professional, we mused that Pitt had "actually contracted some extremely rare social disease previously identified only in seventeenth century French kings, and has returned home to live out the rest of days wracked with madness." That diagnosis went unchallenged until today's AP report that Pitt appeared in public to collect a check for charity, seemingly free of any Sun King finery that might have confirmed our suspicions. Therefore, we are inclined to correct the record and recognize that our conclusion might not have been wholly accurate. We apologize for any sexual fantasies that may have resulted from picturing Pitt dressed as a promiscuous French monarch engaged in a syphilitic orgy comprised of buxom chambermaids and the finest court dandies.