So not only has Mattel released the world's most awkward figurine, depicting Heath Ledger's Joker in the forthcoming Batman sequel, The Dark Knight, but the creepy action figures are actually selling. Really, really well. Reports the Post: "Toy peddlers are laughing all the way to the bank with Heath Ledger's Joker doll selling out at New York stores. Droves of people lined up early at the Toys 'R' Us store in Times Square... 'There are none left in the warehouse, either.'" The $10 dolls are being re-sold on eBay. Get one for $55 with a Batman figurine! Put it in your morbid Heath Ledger apartment! [Post] (Joker image via Post)

Ben Silverman is NBC's wunderkind programming chief, close friend to the daughter of News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch and, based on a keynote interview he just gave at an industry event, an even bigger corporate whore than fictional network exec Jack Donaghy on NBC's 30 Rock. Silverman outlined plans to leave viewers of some new shows, including Kath and Kim, hanging at close of the broadcast, forced to log on to NBC's website to see how the program ends. The plan would screw viewers even more severely than the time Silverman scheduled the explicit MILF Island episode of 30 Rock during the heart of his new "family night." But, fine, whatever, as a network executive Silverman is pretty much contractually obligated to come up with awful ideas that will never go anywhere. But why did Silverman have to drag Tina Fey into his keynote disaster, and claim she revels in 30 Rock's marketing deals?

What's with the Scarlett Johansson sightings tonight? Her every movement is being tracked, apparently. Some kind of event for her Tom Waits cover album at Bowery Ballroom, maybe? Two recent stalkings after the jump. UPDATE: Make that three.

Last week The Hills star Heidi Montag turned down an invitation to sit at MSNBC.com's table at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, reportedly because boyfriend/manager Spencer Pratt said the event, which includes top journalists and is attended by the president, wasn't "A-Listy enough." MSNBC awkwardly denied, then admitted that it had invited Montag. Well, it turns out Montag and Pratt condescended to come to the dinner (the picture at left was taken there), invited by the shameless celebrity panderers at Fortune magazine, according to Page Six:

Just in time for her reality show about having kids, Jennifer Lopez (known as JLo to people from 2003) wants to have more kids. The fading entertainer and her Peruvian shrunken head boyfriend husband Marc Anthony recently mashed genitals and produced twins, and her efforts to raise them while also coping with her big butt will be documented in an upcoming (self-financed!) TLC reality show. But two is not enough, what in this bizarro world where the simple act of procreating is worthy of adulating praise and millions of dollars. We've gotten to the point where I, if I wanted to adopt a child (which I don't), would have to show up at the agency, wearing a top hat and monocle, and introduce myself as H.S. Moneybags in order to have a chance at forking over thousands of dollars to get my grubby gay hands on a baby. Whereas Ms. Lopez and her celebrity friends have turned baby making and having and inevitably fucking up beyond all recognition into a little cottage industry of magazines and television shows and lord knows what else (as complained about on the Huffingon Post). Can it be Children of Men soon, please?

In addition to making fun of your mother's death and mocking people for supposedly aging prematurely, Harvey Levin's TMZ loves to write oh-so-clever sex-pun headlines. The one pictured ran with a story about Britney Spears being ordered to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in lawyer's fees. There are some more, just from the past couple of days, after the jump. Reading them well help you develop the vital skill of applying a dick joke to virtually any situation.

If you want to be president these days, it's not enough to have an appealing platform, strong public speaking skills or even to look polished on television. You also have to prove you're at least slightly cool. Blame Bill Clinton for blowing the saxophone on Arsenio Hall in 1992. It's a measure of how important this yardstick has become that both Democratic presidential candidates showed up on Colbert Report last night, plus third-place John Edwards, who has been out of the race for months. Hillary Clinton was funny in a skit in which she fixes a video screen, even if she didn't find the breakthrough moment her husband did in 1992. Barack Obama was a bit more aloof, perhaps strategically so; he not only appeared via satellite but also hewed much closer to his campaign personality than Clinton. Edwards was by yards the funniest, probably because he has the least to lose. Evaluate would-be leaders of the free world on their ability to crack comedy-show jokes after the jump, where you'll find video of Clinton, Obama and Edwards on Colbert.

Derek Khan is living the high life now in Dubai, having put his past as a jewelry-pinching celebrity stylist behind him. He has recaptured some of his past glory, now appearing as a "commentator and makeover specialist" on satellite TV and in magazines like OK! Middle East. But in between Khan's come-up and his comeback, between 2003 and 2005, he did time at Rikers Island and two upstate prisons. None of his famous clients visited him in jail, so Khan kept tabs on them by reading fashion magazines. You can guess how that went over in the clink:

Yesterday the staff at TMZ, Harvey Levin's AOL Time Warner-owned gossip site, tossed themselves over a line that I don't think even Perez Hilton would dare approach. They made fun of someone's dead mother. In a piece posted yesterday afternoon they wrote: "The mother of 'American Idol' contestant Elliott Yamin died last night in Richmond, Va. She was 65.

 Claudette Yamin had been hospitalized over the weekend...
Yamin finished in 3rd place in 2006 on 'Idol,' behind Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks — who, like Mrs. Yamin, will never be heard from again." Commenters were upset in their usual thoughtful, Socratic way and TMZ eventually acknowledged the thoughtless remarks toward the end of the day. Mind you I say "acknowledged," not "apologized for."

After yesterday's story about a New York magazine critic apologizing to Harvey Weinstein, and the critic's suspect assertion that his apology was independent of the sharp-elbowed former Miramax chief, we heard from a well-placed media veteran who said Weinstein has long loved to brag about his ability to extract such concessions, and in fact about how he effectively owns New York media. It turns out the bragging is not entirely without reason. Said the tipster: "Name any media outlet and there is a 'best friend/recent connection that I [Weinstein] can call to kill stories/get a retraction' from." It didn't take a lot of digging to figure out what the source meant. A quick rundown of Weinstein's top-of-the-masthead connections:

Prewar building. Stainless-steel appliances. All-night pharmacy around the corner. Service staff have Mary-Kate Olsen's phone number memorized. Get all the details on this apartment, which all but reeks of celebrity death, in the glorious Craigslist ad after the jump.

It didn't take long for freelance ad designers (cough) to rise to the occasion after news leaked today that movie star Johnny Depp would think hard about helping to pump out advertisements for Trojan's "Magnum" line of plus-sized condoms. Predictably, the first batch of would-be ads are based on the actor's work in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, but there are probably some disturbing posters to be made from Sweeney Todd or Charlie in the Chocolate Factory stills, as well. (Click the thumb for a larger version of the ad parody.) [Fug]

The best part of the video attached to the previously-mentioned Julia Allison story in the Times is when the Star editor-at-large gets ready for a date inside her apartment. Check out the wall decorations: Julia changes in front of a Warhol-style painting of... Julia Allison. Four Julia Allisons to be precise. Then, in front of a mirror in the hallway, you can spy yet another piece of Julia Allison-themed artwork behind her as she flips her hair (also seen here). But, hey, I'd be pretty into myself too if I was pulling down six figures for showing up in front of television cameras, as is the case with Allison, according to the Times:

A British reality TV crew has been accused of spreading a virus (other than reality television) while meeting with isolated tribes in Peru. The crew visited native populations far upriver even though an American anthropologist and the government warned them not to. Now four are dead and others seriously ill in a flu epidemic Indian rights activists are blaming on the TV scouts. Reality TV company Cicada Films, responsible for documentaries like "Ancient Plastic Surgery" and "Fat Fiancées," insists it behaved responsibly and did not spread any disease. (The company is believed to have been scouting for "Mark And Olly," pictured.) The American anthropologist is not so sure:

Did you know that Perez Hilton is "the gay Latino Oprah?" Or that he totally launched the singer Amy Winehouse? It's true because it's on television! Financial news network CNBC has discovered Perez and decided he is an increasingly important part of the dysfunctional American economy, so we all continue to be doomed. After the jump, gay Latino Oprah explains his appeal in a report that will be seen by powerful businessmen everywhere and probably trigger the next financial panic.

Celebrity picture agency X17 has been running in respectable media circles lately. In the past month it has been the subject of a cover story in the Atlantic and a profile in Radar. Its client list now includes names like CNN. But X17's history, which includes allegations of hiring ex gang members and undocumented immigrants, is coming back to haunt the agency. Paparazzo Alison Silva, pictured, said he was badly beaten by three photographers working for X17 while parked a block from singer Britney Spears' house. "You should not be here. Only X17 gets these shots," he was allegedly told prior to sustaining "blunt head trauma" and a broken nose and being rushed to the emergency room. Three witnesses called 911, the LA police investigated and, according to MTV News, the alleged assailants are expected to be taken into custody Monday. X17 responded by not bothering to deny anything:

The Associated Press is planning to hire 21 people in Los Angeles, New York and London to cover celebrity news for the wire service's new entertainment group. An AP exec admitted in an internal memo, obtained by Hollywood rabble rouser Nikki Finke, that the move is basically a ploy for cash, but insisted the AP will distinguish itself from rabble like TMZ and OK! by verifying or disproving rumors. It's hard to see how the wire will pull that off: Hollywood publicists are notorious liars, the stars themselves are impossible to reach and sources who actually know what they're talking about tend to ask for a monetary payoff if they speak at all. But the AP will try, not so valiantly, because there are hundreds of millions of dollars to be made. Here is AP lifer Daniel Becker, left, talking about raking in celebrity news bucks out of one side of his mouth and spouting platitudes about journalistic integrity out of the other:

After offering Eliot Spitzer hooker Ashley Dupre $1 million to pose for a nude video, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis discovered he already had nude video of Dupre, and now says it will be the final word on the ex-prostitute because "I got to her before Spitzer - she looked a lot better at 18." Francis told the Post he filmed Dupre "in girl-on-girl action" after she was thrown out of a Miami Beach hotel during spring break and took refuge on Francis' party bus. Dupre's celebrity is allegedly about to end, according to the Post — sales of her song have dried up and traffic to her MySpace page has slowed. An attorney who represents a different hooker said it might be too late for her to cash in. Really? Somehow it seems unlikely all porn, book and "butt girl" opportunities have passed Dupre by. The Post, for example, appears to have more than a little faith in the call girl's popularity: the tabloid assembled an eight-page Girls Gone Wild Dupre photo gallery, plus a four-page gallery of Dupre clubbing. A representative photo from each is after the jump.

Late-night TV host Conan O'Brien was surprised to read about his "St. Patrick's Day Stew" in Good Housekeeping given that he doesn't cook, has never tasted the dish and has no idea how the recipe got into the magazine. O'Brien devoted three prime minutes of his show, immediately following the monologue, to the recipe. He said the Hearst magazine "completely made this [recipe] up" and made a jokey statement about feeling "a little exploited." Well, Conan, just imagine how the rest of us feel: First we lost any faith in the accuracy of personal memoirs, now we can't even trust that celebrity magazine recipes aren't totally fabricated? Video after the jump.

Semi-retired comedian Rosie O'Donnell has been blogging videos shot aboard her big gay cruise ship, chartered by her LGBT-friendly travel company R Family Vacations. She calls the boat "a ship of dreams" and lured 18-year-old American Idol contestant Danny Noriega onboard. She'd like to take you on a tour and show you her cruise-ship quarters and hot tub and diet-undermining treats, but then while she's touring you around she has to go and interrogate you, the viewer, about the bidet in the bathroom before delivering the line "bathe daily, people, it helps." Watch Rosie's question in full — and submit an answer, if you have one, in Rosie-friendly terms — after the jump.