Today's Times has a report on the intense competition amongst the celebrity weeklies, which are a stark contrast to the otherwise festering circulation figures for newsweeklies and men's magazines. The figures, taken since the first half of 2004:
• It's relatively well-known that Jessica Simpson was paid $200k to appear on the premiere cover of the U.S. issue of OK!, but today's Page Six reveals that her genius father brokered a package deal: That fee covers six covers of the rag, and during that time Simpson is prevented from appearing in any other major magazine features. So don't hold your breath for that "Jessica's Sexy New Ankle Bracelet!" story in Cosmo. [Page Six]
• Are you not just SO totally excited for Lindsay Lohan's new album, which will contain a song expressing the pain of her broken family? Why can't you just stay out of her personal life? [Lowdown]
• As we mentioned yesterday, Kimora Lee Simmons has entered a pretrial intervention program for driving like a pot-addled maniac. Apparently, this program will keep her out of the slammer — but really, if it's not held at the Promises rehab, it's as good as prison. [R&M]
• We're not sure why Matt LeBlanc decided to confess to the National Enquirer that he almost cheated on his wife with a naked stripper, but at least she was naked. [Page Six]
• Demi Moore is seriously amazing. After being pregnant and miscarrying according to the Star and National Enquirer, she just might be pregnant after all. But at this point, do you really give a shit? Either poop that kid out or don't, let's just move on. [Scoop]
Great news from the world of celebrity weeklies, a magical land which forevermore shall be thought of as Geniusville:
After the apocalypse, the only surviving pictures of Aniston were from one public appearance.
• Time Warner sets aside $3 billion to settle lawsuits resulting from the Worst Merger in History. Sadly, it's not coming from Steve Case and Jerry Levin's personal bank accounts. [NYT]
• Newly arrived OK! doesn't look much different from the competition. [USAT]
• Judy Miller fits in fine in jail, warden says. And, if not, they have vays of making prisoners "fit in." [WP]
• Howard Stern to go uncensored on video-on-demand TV. [NYP]
• "All that press coverage of the blogs, and the audience is just minuscule," a Forrester Research veep says while releasing a new study. And how big's your audience, Forrester? [Boston Herald]
The UK Observer has an interesting tidbit on the launch of the latest horse in the celebrity weekly stable, British import OK!, which is slated to hit the stands this Thursday. (Rest assured, we're wearing giant countdown clock necklaces, Flava Flav-style.) It's going to be an all out battle for the trashtastic crown, but we're thinking OK!'s edge over People, Us, and Bonnie Fuller's family might come down to OK! publisher Richard Desmond:
If you're anything like us, you've only been paying attention to whether or not Demi Moore is pregnant when the celebrity weeklies tell you to. Right now, most stalkerazzi diaries are telling us to pay attention to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's quest to build an exotic, sexualized Brady Bunch, but for some time American Media Inc.'s Star was hell-bent on convincing the world that Moore was carrying Ashton Kutcher's seed. Now, the latest issue of AMI's National Enquirer is reporting that Moore suffered a miscarriage. Demi herself, on the other hand, says that all of the above are completely fabricated and untrue: No pregnancy, no miscarriage. But since when do we listen to what the actual celebs have to say?
Keith "The Body" Kelly reports today that American Media Inc.'s celebrity-eating Canadian of Doom, editorial director and on-again, off-again Gawker mascot Bonnie Fuller might have to tighten her purse strings and downgrade her whip to a more frugal, pleather blend. Thus far, under her current contract, she's been sitting pretty:
At this very moment, countless numbers of piping hot, spanking new issues of Us Weekly and Star are hitting the newsstands. Both issues are bursting with the news of Angelina Jolie's latest decision to move in with Brad Pitt (just as friends, we're sure), but who do we credit with breaking this business? Surely it's becoming a minute-by-minute competition, where winners are determined at individual newsstands. Us wins at Lafayette and Spring, but Star just might take 59th and Lexington if the clerk's stocking schedule plays out right.
