Some people's strengths lie in child-rearing. Other people's strengths lie in drug-planting. This is a story about three people whose strengths lie elsewhere.

Is your child going to be a drug-addicted criminal? Thanks to the powers of science, you can now find out, years in advance!

This weekend, I came across "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" by Amy Chua. Since I have a Chinese mother, I assembled my face into a self-righteous smirk and began to read. But—woe is me!—my Chinese mother's a fraud.

After a former bodyguard filed a report that Britney Spears beat her two sons, the L.A. Department of Child and Family Services paid a visit her home. Social workers found nothing wrong, except Britney's collection of Daisy Dukes.

A study that has been following children raised by lesbian parents for the past 24 years has concluded that not only are the children healthy, they're generally smarter, nicer, and better behaved than those raised by male-female couples.

So! They're not Jon and Kate Gosselin or Richard Heene and Co. But! Today is Michael Chabon day at the New York Times. A book, reviewed, and a two-page Styles profile! In which we learn: they factcheck with their kids?

Upon noticing that adoption hobbyists Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie appear to have been afflicted with an acute case of wanderlust, a concerned Page Six contacted "psychotherapist/social worker Puja Hall" for her expert thoughts on how their failure to plant firm roots could lead to developmental problems for their pancultural brood: