PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. (Every time you do, an angel gets its wings! ) Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about how ridiculous K-fed's sneaking-into-the-Pirates-of -the-Caribbean-ride game is.
Over the weekend, a reader sent along this clip from the first sketch of the first-ever epuside of The Chris Rock Show, which unexpectedly reveals the comedian's incredible powers of prophecy in matters involving desperate, cash-strapped double-murderers seeking to exploit their former crimes for financial gain. The money shot comes right at the end of the video, so stick with it for the interminable, attention-span-stretching minute or so it takes to get there.
We begin our report about last night's Snakes on a Plane premiere at the Chinese Theatre, held back by New Line until the very last possible minute to prevent critics from having uncharitable opinions about a movie whose pre-release hype became so overwhelming that the mere mention of the title could induce grand mal seizures in anyone in possession of a valid press credential, with a disclaimer: After almost exactly a year of writing about this movie and its unstoppable march across the internets, our weariness of various combinations of the words "motherfucking," "snakes," and "plane" may have lowered our expectations to an absurdly low point. All we wanted from the 'Lil Airborne Reptilian Infestation Movie That Could was for at least one guy to have his genitals fanged-up while in the process of bodily waste elimination, and God bless their pandering little hearts, they delivered the mandatory junk-chomping scene with cynical aplomb. Once that lone condition was satisfied, we were more than happy to laugh at lines of dialogue both intentionally and accidentally hilarious, hurl ourselves forward in our seat with delight when the areola on a bare, surgically enhanced breast became a targeting mechanism for a mamba strike, and generally stop giving a shit about how someone might smuggle several hundred angry predators aboard a red-eye even with the aid of the most corrupt of airport security regimes. Motherfucking snakes were on the motherfucking plane (see how easy it is to fall back into it?), they were biting everything in sight, and that was enough for us, as we are constitutionally incapable of not enjoying a well-executed fake-titty attack. Call us easy to please or New Line Kool-Aid chuggers, but we can't see any reason why anyone who would be interested in the film based on the title alone shouldn't get a little drunk and watch Samuel L. Jackson shout expletives while he carries out his snake-elimination duties. That's all we can muster by way of a review.
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them more often! Even if it's the fifth time you've spotted Jeremy Piven working the ladies' room line at Guy's, there will always be subtle variations on the theme. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Bobby Brown hurl epithets in public at a woman who wasn't Whitney Houston.
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the (most recent) time you saw Tyra Banks and Brittany Murphy high-fiving the night away.
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the (most recent) time you saw Paula Abdul sobbing into a cellphone.
The LAT drags Chris Rock into the Anthony Pellicano Wiretapping Trial of the Century, reporting that the comedian hired Hollywood's favorite eavesdropper and illegal background checker to dig up some fun facts on Hungarian model/Perfect 10 naked person Monika Zsibrita, who made a paternity claim against Rock back in '99. Rock's publicist admits the hire, but not, er, the illegal stuff:
Fox has revealed its evil plans for what it will do with affiliates stripped of programming when UPN and The WB merge: the creation of a "21st century," "localized," "station-friendly" network called My Network TV (it didn't take long to come up with a name worse than "The CW," did it?) that will finally give Fox a place to dump programming too awful even to plug holes on the parent network. [Variety]
· Aquaman already shitcanned: A "major recasting" turns over the orange tights to Justin Hartley, sending original super-fishboy Will Toale to the unemployment line. [THR]
China takes a stand against the worrying social ill of human-toon miscegenation, banning all animation that shows cartoons cavorting with live-action actors. Plans to publicly steamroll extant copies of Space Jam and Who Framed Roger Rabbit? with tanks are still being finalized, however. [Variety]
Chris Rock will star in I Think I Love My Wife, a remake of the French film Chloe in the Afternoon. Clearly making a break with the Head of State era, Rock declared, "I can't wait to make a sophisticated comedy with all the good people at Fox Searchlight." [THR]
In an effort to prevent the continuing Emmy-hogging tyranny of TV shows that people actually watch, the TV Academy will let a "blue ribbon panel" decide the ultimate nominees for the best comedy, drama, and major acting categories. [Variety]
Because we scour the interwebs tirelessly at this time of year to bring you as many Christmas-themed, dead-news-day stories as humanly possible, comes this AP report of Chris Rock's autobiographical sitcom Everybody Hates Chris pulling the curtain back from perhaps the most widely propagated hoax of our time:
The Times's Sharon Waxman reports that Chris Rock will not be hosting the Academy Awards this year. Okay, so maybe Rock didn't bring the funny last year like we expected him to, but for the love of all things retarded, the part where he made fun of Jude Law causing Sean Penn to jump to Law's defense was freaking hilarious: "I would like to address our host's question of 'Who is Jude Law?' Jude Law is one of our finest actors who — " We're giggling too hard to keep typing. Let's just keep going. Waxman writes:
A transcript cannot really capture what we're told was the true stoneditude of the live event, but, still, it's worth nothing at least this snippet of Chris Rock's appearance on Anderson Cooper 360° last night, touting the relief efforts he and has wife are spearheading for Katrina victims in Houston:
· Comedian Chris Rock's reaction to Matt Drudge's report that Rock had been instructed by DreamWorks not to badmouth President Bush while promoting their new film, Head of State: "I never met Matt Drudge, but if I see Matt Drudge, I'm going to take my red-blooded American foot and put it up his un-American ass for trying to disrupt the opening of my movie." [Page Six]
· Producer Scott Rudin goes sour on Paramount execs (including Paramount chief Sherry Lansing) planning an upcoming movie based on the Lemony Snicket children's books: "I found the amount of energy being poured into this circle jerk frustrating and debilitating and completely unrewarding and painful...These people can give you a lot of pain when they're trying to make a movie with you. Imagine what they can do when they're just trying to give you pain." [Page Six]
· Jon Stewart on Germany's refusal to join the U.S.-led coalition: "Poland wants to fight and Germany doesn't? That's crazy. It must be like the way an alcoholic doesn't want to go into a bar. They'd start bombing and wake up the next morning and say, 'Did I just invade Czechoslovakia last night?'" Richard Gere thinks that if Tibet were turned into a big spa resort, the Chinese government would allow the Dalai Lama to return to his homeland. [NY Daily News]
· The Word reports that CEO Steve Florio may be the next exiting executive at Conde Nast. [The Word
