For centuries after his accidental discovery of the Bahamas, Christopher Columbus was a true hero of history. But then the alternative histories were published, and the colonization of the New World was revealed to be a nightmare of atrocity and terror. Still, we can learn something from this stubborn idiot who insisted until the day he died that Cuba was part of Asia.

On yesterday's CBS Sunday Morning, Mo Rocca asked, "Why do we celebrate Columbus Day?" Christopher Columbus (not the Home Alone director) did not, as he points out, actually discover America. And besides, he was a total dick; everybody knows Columbus Day was only created by Franklin D. Roosevelt to court the Italian-American vote. But if you feel like honoring our genocidal, egomaniacal founding father, you can make a pilgrimage to New York's Columbus Circle.

Japanese artist Tatzu Nishi unveiled his latest art installation Discovering Columbus 75 feet above Columbus Circle in New York yesterday, and everyone celebrated by looking up the statue's skirt and not hugging it.

New research indicates that Christopher Columbus was the son of a Polish king! "How many explorers does it take to mistake the Bahamas for China?" would be an inappropriate response. Give up some respect. Who's your daddy now, America? (Poland.)