A Cinco de Mayo celebration in Baltimore turned violent last night after an Anne Arundel County, Maryland, police officer allegedly bit a man’s nut during a back-alley brawl.

Piñata-shaped sugar cookies with a "secret" candy filling, just in time for Cinco de Mayo! (Or any dayo de any montho because limiting cookies to only one day a year is loco.)

President Obama made it back from Ground Zero yesterday just in time for a packed White House Cinco de Mayo party. He prepared for the crowd all sorts of Mexico-related jokes, for which the First Lady served as a useful prop at times. Mexican food is Michelle's favorite, Obama said, adding that "you do not want to be between Michelle and a tamale." Not that she's fat or anything, he hastily adds — she exercises, too! Oh, to be a prop wife.

House Speaker John Boehner has a message for Mexicans: Drop dead. No, we're sure he loves the Mexicans. But not enough to throw them, and Americans of Mexican heritage, a Capitol Hill party for Cinco de Mayo.

Today is St. Patrick's Day! Before you go get completely shit faced on green beer, Guinness, and Jameson, there's one thing you need to do: Admit that you don't give a shit about St. Patrick's Day.

Grindhouse director Robert Rodriguez apparently put together an early trailer for star-studded Mexploitation film Machete as a "Cinco de Mayo message for Arizona," featuring the likes of Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, and Danny Trejo fighting violently to protect illegal immigrants from racist politicians.

• The New York City outpost of Govind Armstrong's Table 8 opens tomorrow evening inside the Cooper Square Hotel. [Eater, Zagat]
• Now that Todd English is out, The Libertine has hired itself a new chef. [Zagat]
• Robert De Niro's universally reviled Ago has officially shuttered. [Eater]
• Some suggestions on where to take your mom for Mother's Day. [Zagat]
• Pinkberry is now making deliveries; a $10 minimum is required. [Crain's]
• Places to go to drink yourself into oblivion in honor of Cinco de Mayo. [GS]

Hey, it's the fifth of May everyone! Time to watch Kathie Lee embarrass herself on national television in a celebration of what white people think is Mexican culture.

Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican army's defeat of French forces at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Leave it to Saks Fifth Avenue to give the day entirely new meaning. The retailer has announced that today "has been designated by the city of New York as Chanel No. 5 Day," and "a portion of Fifth Avenue is being renamed Avenue No. 5 for the week." [PR Newswire]

Ask.com bungled the spelling of Cinco de Mayo, but at least they made an effort. Pictured here are Yahoo's animated mariachis and dancers. But Google, the company well known for its holiday flights of logo fancy? Nada. Yes, it's actually a minor holiday south of the border. But the victory in Puebla over the French has gone unnoticed in the Googleplex for the ninth year running.